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Musical Redditors of Miami

2012.08.22 07:49 GeoffTheProgger Musical Redditors of Miami

A local community for musicians, bands, songwriters, promoters, and music lovers to engage and share music, connect/network, buy/sell/trade gear, build together, and share + discuss upcoming events.
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submitted by Meda18Sepl to u/Meda18Sepl [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 17:58 TreyarchPC_ ANNOUNCEMENT: PLAY THE CALL OF DUTY®: BLACK OPS COLD WAR PLAYSTATION®4 ALPHA ON SEPTEMBER 18-20

ANNOUNCEMENT: PLAY THE CALL OF DUTY®: BLACK OPS COLD WAR PLAYSTATION®4 ALPHA ON SEPTEMBER 18-20


All PS4 owners can get a taste of the next generation of global combat this weekend in the Alpha. Details to follow, including maps and modes.

PlayStation 4 owners, prepare to engage in your first deniable operations.
Just under two months before the release of the direct sequel to the original Call of Duty: Black Ops, and mere weeks ahead of the game’s Beta, ALL PlayStation 4 owners will be able to participate in the Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Alpha.
This exclusive weekend commences on September 18th at 10 a.m. PDT, and is set to conclude on September 20th at 10 a.m. PDT. The Alpha is FREE to all PS4™ players. PlayStation®Plus Subscription not required for most owners.*
https://youtu.be/dj4F0Z1bf58
Pre-Loading, Download Size, and Regional Download Links
The Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Alpha is set to have a download size of approximately 25 GB.
Pre-loading is planned to begin on September 17th at 8 a.m. PDT ahead of the Alpha’s scheduled launch on September 18th at 10 a.m. PDT.
Download the free Alpha at the links below for your respective region:
Download Free Alpha: Americas.
Download Free Alpha: Europe, Middle East, Australia, or New Zealand. Note that due to the game's rating, PS Plus is required to download in Germany.
Download Free Alpha: Japan.
Download Free Alpha: Asia.
Accessing the Alpha + An Exclusive Reward for Participation
Those who own Call of Duty: Modern Warfare® or have Warzone™ installed can access the Black Ops Cold War Alpha through the main menu.
Within the Modern Warfare or Warzone menus, selecting the Alpha menu blade either brings you straight to the Alpha to jump in and play if you’ve already downloaded, or redirects you to its download page on the PS Store.
You can also exit the Black Ops Cold War Alpha and go straight into Warzone through a menu blade within the Alpha.
All participants will receive a Calling Card, accessible across Modern Warfare, Warzone, and Black Ops Cold War upon its release, just for participating in the Alpha.
Here’s what players can expect in the Alpha, including an all-new Multiplayer mode for the franchise:

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Modes – 6v6 Multiplayer: Team Deathmatch, Domination, Kill Confirmed (Available Sept 18-20)
The Alpha will include three traditional game modes across two maps designed for 6v6 play.
Among this trio is the gold standard of squad-based game modes in Call of Duty – Team Deathmatch (TDM) – as well as Kill Confirmed, a TDM variant where Operators must confirm kills by picking up enemy dog tags dropped by downed players before they are denied by the enemy team.
Then there’s Domination, an objective mode staple in the Call of Duty franchise. Expect a larger capture area than in previous titles in Black Ops Cold War’s Domination, allowing for more cover opportunities and maneuverability when attacking or defending while capturing a point.
These three modes will be available on the following maps during the Alpha:

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Map – Miami
A prison transport vehicle has been intercepted by Perseus through hired DGI forces, with CIA forces arriving to take them out in the heat of in Miami’s South Beach.
Amid art-deco architecture and neon lights, Operators battle between various buildings, in the streets, and on a stretch of the beachfront itself. Various rooftops and windows act as prime longshot spots for sharpshooters who can take advantage of vistas across empty streets and beaches.
Meanwhile, Operators can weave in-and-out of vacated tourist traps in close-quarters combat, using parts of a parking garage or the beachfront to flank enemy combatants.

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Map – Moscow
In the heart of the U.S.S.R, a Spetsnaz squad was sent to a compromised CIA safe house in order to secure the area, capture any remaining CIA operatives, and acquire further intel on NATO’s future plans. Initial reports indicate that the area has gone hot and fighting has spilled out into the streets, prompting a second CIA-JSOC team to arrive at the scene as reinforcements.
Fighting will take place in and around an impressive metro station, with the streets of Moscow, as well as nearby apartment buildings and hotels, acting as lanes that all lead back to that central, marble-adorned transportation hub.
Stationary vehicles will be key cover pieces when travelling through the streets, as they may help break up sightlines that snipers will want to take advantage of. CQB operators may want to sweep through the various buildings, and could be a key cog in defending the metro building at all five of its entrances.

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Map – Satellite
First teased in the Black Ops Cold War Reveal trailer, Satellite is set in an Angolan desert where a KH-9 American-made satellite has been downed.
Soviet and American forces arrive on a battlefield devoid of any man-made structures, save for the satellite in question at mid-map. Other than this cover-heavy central point, the map’s rocky outcroppings and archways provide numerous flanking routes and plenty of cover.
Alternatively, the natural sand dunes on the opposite side of the map are a perfect territory for snipers, at the expense of any meaningful protection from aerial Scorestreaks or a cross-map high-caliber bullet.

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Introducing Combined Arms: Domination (Available Sept 18-20)
Combined Arms: Domination is a new 12v12, vehicle-inclusive twist on traditional Domination, set in larger maps compared to the game’s traditional 6v6 play spaces.
In Combined Arms, vehicles such as Tanks, Snowmobiles, Wakerunners, and Gunboats will allow squads to bolster their firepower and mobility across these expanded environments. Like the core 6v6 Domination mode, teams will be tasked with capturing and defending multiple objectives between two initial spawn areas.
Along with traditional loadout-based firefights and Scorestreak play, Combined Arms: Domination is defined by how each squad uses the available selection of vehicles to help their team turn the tide of battle.
In the Alpha experience, Combined Arms: Domination will take place on two maps:
Map – Armada
It’s 1984, and U.S. and Soviet forces are battling it out in the North Atlantic Ocean in search of a prototype nuclear submarine.
Competing squads will take to the high seas with skirmishes on multiple ships, utilizing ziplines, rappel lines, and various seacraft to navigate the rough waters below.
The central ship is a hotspot for combat of all forms, from CQB battles in control stations, to sniper duels with adjacent ships, to aquatic warfare that may take place below the surface. Be sure to explore every nook and cranny of the map to discover new entryways to each objective point, and keep your head on a swivel.

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Map – Crossroads
In the middle of the frozen Soviet wilderness, NATO forces have ambushed a large military convoy comprised of mobile ICBM launchers.
Tanks and Snowmobiles will help operatives plow over this snowy tundra’s banks and groves, both of which could be temporary homes to sharpshooters looking for longshot opportunities.
Those planning out their strategy for victory should consider wresting control of the communications station, the lone structure that stands at the dead center of the iced-over lake. Or, for those looking to flank the enemy team, try braving the rickety bridge that spans over a deadly chasm... if you’re not afraid of heights, that is.
Need to see the new maps and modes in action, including a run-down of what Multiplayer entails? Be sure to watch the Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Reveal video here!

https://preview.redd.it/7tjm1zhbdqn51.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fa4e23df5df542a5046a3c880ecef01b4b5bd04e
Traditional Loadout, Scorestreak Options Available
Before dropping into the above maps and modes, get a glimpse at the Create-a-Class, Gunsmith, and Scorestreak customization features showcased in limited capacity during the Alpha.
While you’re editing your loadout, get to know the new Field Upgrades on offer. These are pieces of equipment earned over time while in-game that can act as a boon for your fellow squadmates or hinder the enemy team’s abilities. Wildcards also fundamentally alter the rules of Create-a-Class, with four powerful options to choose from for maximum flexibility.
Alternatively, a few default loadouts are available for Operators looking to pick up and play with a developer-tailored selection of weapons, attachments, Perks, equipment, Field Upgrades, and Wildcards. For those looking for inspiration on Create-a-Class and Gunsmith creation ideas, these default loadouts can act as a great framework for crafting your own custom arsenal.
Once everything is to your preference, dive into Multiplayer and earn some Scorestreaks, which can be crucial for achieving victory. Scorestreak points – earned via both kills and objective play – are kept through death. Stay alive and string together multiple kills in one life to earn point multipliers that will aid in earning higher-end, game-changing battlefield technology.

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Pre-Order Now on Digital
This Alpha is just a fraction of all the content to come with Black Ops Cold War Multiplayer; expect more modes, maps, weapons and vehicles in the upcoming Open Beta and at the game’s launch on November 13th.
Visit CallofDuty.com to digitally pre-order now and get instant rewards like the Woods Operator Pack** for immediate use in Modern Warfare and Warzone, and secure early access to the Open Beta***, first on PS4.
Stay Connected to Additional Intel
Be sure to check back here at the Activision Games Blog in the coming days and weeks for the latest information. Also players can visit Treyarch’s Blog for Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War announcements and content. Follow u/CallofDuty and u/Treyarch on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook for additional information.
Pre-orders at participating retailers are available now, or at CallofDuty.com.
We’ll see you online.
Execute the mission.
\PS4™ owners in Germany will need a PS Plus subscription due to the game’s age rating. Alpha starts September 18, 2020 on PS4 system. Actual platform availability and launch date(s) of Alpha subject to change. See www.callofduty.com/alpha for more details. Minimum Alpha duration is 2 days. Limited time only. Internet connection required.*
\*Call of Duty: Modern Warfare / Call of Duty: Warzone on pre-order platform required to redeem Woods Operator and Blueprint. Sold/downloaded separately. Must be redeemed by Nov. 13, 2021.*
\**Actual platform availability and launch date(s) of MP Beta subject to change. See www.callofduty.com/beta for more details. Minimum Open Beta duration is 2 days. Limited time only, while Early Access Beta Codes last, at participating retailers. Internet connection required. Online multiplayer subscription may be required.*
For more information on Call of Duty®: Black Ops Cold War, check out: www.callofduty.com, www.youtube.com/callofduty and follow @Treyarch, @RavenSoftware, and @CallofDuty on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
© 2020 Activision Publishing, Inc. ACTIVISION, CALL OF DUTY, CALL OF DUTY BLACK OPS, CALL OF DUTY WARZONE, MODERN WARFARE, and WARZONE are trademarks of Activision Publishing, Inc.
For more information on Activision games, follow u/Activision on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.
submitted by TreyarchPC_ to ColdWarCallofDuty [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 03:04 Leather_Term TOM LEONARD asks was Nadia Marcinkova abused... or an abuser?

dailymail.com 16 September 2020
The model who flew into the abyss: They look so innocent, but behind these new pictures from Jeffrey Epstein's 'paedophile island' lie dark claims about the beautiful pilot said to be his accomplice. So, asks TOM LEONARD, was she abused... or an abuser?
A hike through the woods and a pair of friends sitting at a table in the Caribbean sun.
It all seems perfectly innocent, although the only man in the photos – surrounded as ever by attractive young women – is Jeffrey Epstein. And, as we now know, nothing to do with Epstein was ever innocent.
For the towering blonde in these newly unearthed pictures is Slovak former ‘model’ Nadia Marcinkova, now a glamorous jet pilot with her own aviation company, but once allegedly one of the billionaire paedophile’s most depraved acolytes.
Often, the teenage girls who ministered to the twisted needs of Epstein at his Palm Beach mansion found they weren’t always alone with him. Sometimes, they told police, they were joined by an Eastern European they believed to be his girlfriend. Epstein would allegedly pay the girls to have sex with Marcinkova while he watched and took photos that he later displayed around the house.
At other times, they said, Marcinkova – then aged around 19 – would pressure them to have sex with her and the billionaire paedophile, sometimes in orgies. British accuser Sarah Ransome said she once had sex with Marcinkova and Alan Dershowitz, Epstein’s high-powered lawyer, in New York, although he vehemently denies it. Epstein reportedly told some of his victims Marcinkova was his ‘sex-slave’ after he had bought her, aged 14, from her parents in Eastern Europe.
She certainly showed a slavish devotion when she visited him 67 times during the year he spent behind bars in Florida in 2008 for procuring a minor for prostitution.
Marcinkova, now 34-year-old pilot calling herself ‘Global Girl’ on social media, has once more been dragged into the Epstein scandal after the new photographs taken on his private island were revealed.
Also in the spotlight is Sarah Kellen, another of Epstein’s young female acolytes and the alleged ‘deputy’ to Ghislaine Maxwell, currently remanded in custody in a New York jail accused of recruiting girls as young as 14 for him.
Kellen and Marcinkova – both of whom have changed their names since the scandal broke – are assumed to be among the next targets of New York prosecutors who have been assured by dozens of Epstein victims that he certainly didn’t act alone in his sex crimes. US Attorney General William Barr has warned his alleged accomplices they ‘should not rest easy’.
Marcinkova long ago established herself as one of Epstein’s most devoted female followers.
‘They’re very close,’ an Epstein insider told a local newspaper when Marcinkova bombarded him with visits in his Florida prison 12 years ago. ‘She went mostly on weekends ... I guess you can call her his “squeeze”.’ Prison officials said the visits were monitored and there was ‘no alone time’.
Marcinkova was certainly close to Epstein according to a witness who was there when the newly uncovered, undated photos were taken. They show Marcinkova hiking with Epstein and sitting beside him as, draped in a dressing gown, he conducts business at his estate on Little St James in the US Virgin Islands.
The insider said: ‘Nadia and Jeffrey seemed to really love each other. It was as if they had a romantic relationship.
‘They were affectionate to each other, often holding hands.’
Not merely because she towered over all the others – including the under-sized Epstein – Marcinkova always stood out as the most fascinating, and disturbing, of the financier’s alleged female accomplices, except perhaps Maxwell herself.
For if the claims are true about how she came into his perverted orbit, they bear out allegations that Epstein was involved in an international sex trafficking ring which brought young girls from poor countries to the US under the guise of recruiting them as models.
Marcinkova, who has changed her name to Marcinko, has steadfastly refused to comment on Epstein or the claims against him.
However she insists she was a ‘victim’ of Epstein and her lawyers yesterday told the Mail: ‘Nadia wishes to express her compassion and support for her fellow survivors who also fell prey to Jeffrey Epstein’s predatory abusive behaviour.’
Any claim by her to have been a complete innocent is contradicted by many, not least US prosecutors. They named her, Kellen and two other young female Epstein associates as ‘potential co-conspirators’ who were granted immunity from prosecution for past crimes under a controversial 2007 deal that saw Epstein serve just a year in prison.
In 2010, Marcinkova and Kellen cited their Fifth Amendment right to avoid incriminating themselves when quizzed under oath by lawyers for alleged victims of Epstein, who killed himself in jail last year.
When asked, ‘Have you ever been made to perform sexually on Prince Andrew?’, Marcinkova replied: ‘Fifth.’ (The prince strenuously denies any wrongdoing.)
How did the girl born in the former Czechoslovakia end up as a key figure in the Epstein scandal? Although her father has reportedly rejected claims that he and his wife ever ‘sold’ her to Epstein, records show she came to the US in 2000 when she would have been 14 or 15.
It is claimed that she reached New York through a model agency, MC2, that Epstein had helped set up in New York and Miami.
The agency’s bookkeeper insisted Marcinkova never actually did any modelling but was one of various girls – some as young as 13 – who lived in flats controlled by Epstein close to his home in Manhattan’s Upper East Side.
Virginia Roberts Giuffre, Prince Andrew’s accuser, claimed in 2014 court papers the arrangement was a cover for sex trafficking as most of the girls came from poor countries and were lured to the US by the false promise of making good money as models.
Marcinkova became a full-time member of the Epstein household, although her official function wasn’t clear. What the she certainly did do, however, was fly with Epstein – a lot.
The multi-millionaire kept a fleet of planes, the flagship being the notorious ‘Lolita Express’, a luxuriously customised Boeing 727.
One Palm Beach girl told police she was 16 when she made the first of hundreds of trips to Epstein’s mansion, breaking down in tears as she described how she often had sex with Marcinkova. Epstein would allegedly watch and ‘choreograph’ her activities. In the past decade or so, Marcinkova has disappeared from public view.
Since the 2008 case, she has obtained a pilot’s licence and she now boasts an impressive social media following under the Instagram handle ‘Fly Global Girl’.
In 2015, it was revealed that Marcinkova and Kellen were running companies from a Manhattan property owned by Epstein’s brother Mark.
It was at this 66th Street address that Marcinkova set up an aviation company, Aviloop. She says she is licensed to fly multi-engined aircraft and Gulfstream business jets as well as being an ‘aerobatic pilot’ and flight instructor.
Light-heartedly, her website claims she switched from modelling to flying because she was ‘ready for longer runways’.
Marcinkova may soon be coming down to Earth with a bump if she becomes the next Epstein associate to face her day in court.
submitted by Leather_Term to Epstein [link] [comments]


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submitted by HaulA17Sepl to u/HaulA17Sepl [link] [comments]


2020.09.13 02:06 GOTEAMPHOTO MAN-O-WAR by Joseph Whittington . #manowar #man-o-war #miamibeach #atlanticocean #arte #art #kunst #worldfamous #artist #designer #joewhittington #josephwhittington #goteamphoto @goteamphoto #miami (at Miami Beach, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/p/CE1Bz9In8qN/?igshid=wfxu3uqvp5f0 manowar man mi

MAN-O-WAR by Joseph Whittington . #manowar #man-o-war #miamibeach #atlanticocean #arte #art #kunst #worldfamous #artist #designer #joewhittington #josephwhittington #goteamphoto @goteamphoto #miami (at Miami Beach, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/p/CE1Bz9In8qN/?igshid=wfxu3uqvp5f0 manowar man mi submitted by GOTEAMPHOTO to u/GOTEAMPHOTO [link] [comments]


2020.09.11 02:24 Kdash76 Call Of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Unjuk Multiplayer, Gunakan Engine Lawas

Call Of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Unjuk Multiplayer, Gunakan Engine Lawas
Call Of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Unjuk Multiplayer, Gunakan Engine Lawas
https://preview.redd.it/wiyh8f69xem51.jpg?width=758&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=14f593874d53a3a63479b931771808e6f67e06ff
Sejak pengumuman resmi Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War, Activision, Treyarch, dan Raven Software gencar promosikan game yang bersetting di perang dingin yang terjadi di tahun 80-an tersebut. Salah satunya adalah sebuah fakta di mana gamenya takkan berikan upgrade gratis untuk PlayStation 5 dan Xbox Series X. Gamenya juga akan dukung teknologi raytracing yang terlihat tak begitu ekstrim jika dibandingkan Modern Warfare.
Hingga tulisan ini turun Activision hanya menjelaskan mode single player Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War yang akan hadirkan beberapa karakter, lokasi, dan kisah bersejarah ikonik. Namun tak mau bercerita lebih dalam tentang kisahnya secara gamblang. Kabar baiknya, hal ini berbanding terbalik dengan mode multiplayernya.
Activision jelaskan bahwa multiplayer Cold War akan sama dengan seri Black Ops yang dibuat oleh Treyarch. Dengan kata lain, mereka tidak akan fokus untuk mengambil pendekatan yang sama dengan Infinity Ward yang lebih realistis, namun condong pada nuansa arcade shooter.
Dalam videonya, Activision tunjukkan beberapa aksi dan segelintir map multiplayernya. Mulai dari gurun Angola dalam map bernama Satellite, danau beku Uzbekistan dalam map Crossroads, South Beach (Miami), perairan Atlantik Utara (Armada), hingga jantung dari U.S.S.R (Moscow).
YouTuber sekaligus influencer game shooter JackFrags yang telah mencoba multiplayernya mengatakan bahwa Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War gunakan mekanik yang sama persis dengan seri Black Ops sebelumnya. Terlebih engine yang digunakan bukan merupakan engine yang sama dengan engine baru buatan Infinity Ward yang menurut mereka menjadi standar untuk seri franchisenya selanjutnya.
submitted by Kdash76 to u/Kdash76 [link] [comments]


2020.09.05 05:59 Boatrental09 Baymingo - Boat rental services

Website:
http://baymingo.com/

Address:
Miami, FL, 33140

Phone:
786-616-4323

Business Email:
[[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])

Keywords:
boat rental miami, boat rental miami beach, party boat rental miami, boat rental miami florida, boat rental south beach miami, cheap boat rental miami, miami boat rental with captain, miami boat tours, boat charter miami

Description:
Baymingo is one of the best boat and yacht rental services in Miami.
Rent a boat in Miami is the "thing to do". This water attraction will offer you a variety of popular destinations to explore, including the famous Haulover and Nixon Sandbar, South Beach, Downtown Miami.
Be your own captain, or request one.
We can plan engagement, bachelorette parties, birthday parties, gender reveals, and special events above the sea.
Let's go on the beautiful blue waters on Miami.

Hours:
open everyday from 6am - 8pm

Social Links:

https://www.instagram.com/baymingo/
https://web.facebook.com/baymingo?_rdc=1&_rdr
submitted by Boatrental09 to u/Boatrental09 [link] [comments]


2020.08.28 19:18 IdolA28Augl Its G-ay Millionaire Da-ting Nh

Its G-ay Millionaire Da-ting Nh
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submitted by IdolA28Augl to u/IdolA28Augl [link] [comments]


2020.08.24 05:10 NotAHippo4 where can I meet women in Miami-Dade county?

Hey guys, I currently live in Florida(hoping I can move out though!) and I am a very busy person. I usuallyy stay almost all day home unless I go to the beach on Saturdays(usually by myself) or go to work because I am constantly grinding leetcode(which is a website where coding question used in interviews are asked and the answers are subsequently reviewed and ranked), doing projects that I have to put on my resume, amongst other things that I am mainly doing to get a job and become independent, and the free time I do have, I feel like I mainly need it for myself.
Since all of the things I do are mainly solitary activities I am not very sure where I can meet people. Online dating is a huge bust since I have already tried it and despite having some amazing photos(taken with my friend's iphone 11 who got a few matches on bumble), I was barely able to get any matches whatsoever, and I don't have any other social media like instagram, tik tok, etc... since I personally don't want to destroy my self-esteem any more than what I already do(I am trying to work on it though, but today was pretty rough) and I don't have any good photos with friends or myself. Even if I do, the fact that I have no girl friends that I consistently hang out with would also be a huge hinderance. Apparently, having an instagram is crucial for a lot of women to consider you since they feel safer dating someone that they can figure out who they are than someone who is inexistent on social media and could catfish them. Another problem is that I tend to feel weird when women have tried to flirt with me and act sexual. Since I am not used to it, I get nervous and feel a lot of pressure to keep them interested. I know it's pathetic, but unless I am feeling confident in myself(which is a fleeting emotion), I can't think of anything to say or don't know how to act when women act in a sexual way towards me.
So knowing my situation, what are my options for meeting women in Miami-Dade, where most of the bars and clubs are closed and those that are not have heavy restrictions(I would know since I have tried to go clubbing during the pandemic already).
submitted by NotAHippo4 to dating [link] [comments]


2020.08.18 20:56 Syrup1048 Which companies are owned by bad people? Which are owned by good people?

The CO market is flooded with dispensaries, grows, manufacturers, etc. I want to be more selective with where I shop and what I buy. I want to support good people. Let's start a thread on the companies that are owned by bad people vs. good people. Here's my list by far -
DISCLAIMER THIS LIST IS BASED ON RUMORS AND PERSONAL EXPERIENCES THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE ACCURATE
---------- Bad Companies
---------- Good Companies
Let's get long lists going, everyone!
Edit - added people's comments to the list
submitted by Syrup1048 to COents [link] [comments]


2020.08.12 00:55 bhambetty 2020 Best of r/Birmingham

Below are the results of the 2020 Best of Birmingham Guide! I am only listing the top three picks for all categories, for the sake of brevity, and some categories may have fewer than three top picks due to lack of consensus in voting. You can see a list of all responses here.
Thanks to all who voted. If you didn’t get a chance to submit your picks, drop a note in the comments. I plan to do this every year.
Get yer scrolling finger ready!

Food and Drink

Best Fine Dining Restaurant
  1. Highlands Bar & Grill - 45%
  2. Automatic Seafood and Oysters - 11%
  3. (Tie) Café Dupont & Chez Fonfon - 9%
Best Casual Restaurant (overall)
  1. Rojo - 10%
  2. Trattoria Zaza - 9%
  3. (Tie) Back Forty Beer Company, El Barrio, & Paramount - 7%
Best Mexican/Tex-Mex/Latin American Restaurant
  1. El Barrio - 34%
  2. Los Amigos - 11%
  3. Rojo - 8%
Best Tacos
  1. Dos Hermanos - 43%
  2. Taco Morro Loco - 18%
  3. Gordo's - 11%
Best Italian Restaurant
  1. Gianmarco's - 48%
  2. Giuseppe's Café - 21%
  3. Bettola - 8%
Best Pizza
  1. Post Office Pies - 27%
  2. Slice - 20%
  3. (Tie) Davenport’s Pizza Palace & Trattoria Zaza - 8%
Best Chinese Restaurant
  1. Red Pearl - 33%
  2. Mr. Chen's - 24%
  3. New China Town - 11%
Best Japanese Restaurant
  1. Ikko - 18%
  2. Shu Shop - 13%
  3. (Tie) Bamboo on 2nd, Kobe, & Sushi Village - 11%
Best Thai Restaurant
  1. Blue Pacific - 45%
  2. Surin - 25%
  3. Yum Yai - 13%
Best Indian Restaurant
  1. Taj India - 38%
  2. Bay Leaf - 29%
  3. Silver Coin - 22%
Best Asian (other) Restaurant
  1. Bamboo on 2nd - 17%
  2. Phở Quê Hương - 11%
  3. (Tie) Saigon Noodle House, Shu Shop, & Yummefy - 8%
Best Mediterranean/Middle Eastern Restaurant
  1. Makarios - 32%
  2. Falafel Café - 23%
  3. (Tie) Pita Stop & The Purple Onion - 9%
Best American Style Restaurant
  1. Jack Brown's Beer and Burger Joint - 14%
  2. (Tie) Johnny's, Niki's West, & Yo’ Mama's - 9%
  3. Paramount - 6%
Best Ethnic Restaurant Not Categorized Above
  1. Tropicaleo - 29%
  2. Red Sea Ethiopian and Mediterranean - 19%
  3. Miami Fusion Café - 10%
Best Vegetarian/Vegan Options
  1. Tropicaleo - 24%
  2. Golden Temple - 21%
  3. Shu Shop - 7%
Best BBQ Restaurant
  1. Saw's - 62% (Y’all were split on which location is best)
  2. Rodney Scott’s BBQ - 11%
  3. (Tie) Full Moon Bar-B-Que & Rusty's Bar-B-Q - 6%
Best Food Truck
  1. Eugene's Hot Chicken - 28%
  2. Dos Hermanos - 23%
  3. (Tie) Paradise Chow & Shindigs - 7%
Best Wings
  1. Saw's - 24%
  2. Moe's Original BBQ - 17%
  3. Paramount - 14%
Best Hot Dog
  1. Gus's Hot Dogs - 60%
  2. Sneaky Pete’s - 12%
  3. Paramount - 8%
Best Bakery
  1. Birmingham Breadworks - 24%
  2. Continental Bakery - 20%
  3. Edgar's Bakery - 16%
Best Ice Cream
  1. Big Spoon Creamery - 62%
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  3. Mountain Brook Creamery - 8%
Best Pie (Dessert)
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  2. (Tie) Niki's West & The Bright Star - 11%
Best Coffee Shop
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  3. (Tie) Domestique, Filter Coffee Parlor, O'Henry's, & Seeds Coffee Co. - 10%
Best Brunch
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  3. (Tie) El Barrio & First Watch - 9%
Best Late Night Eats
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  2. Marty’s PM - 19%
  3. Shu Shop - 14%
Best Burger
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  2. Chez Fonfon - 18%
  3. Back Forty Beer Company - 12%
Best Pub Grub
  1. Carrigan's Public House - 19%
  2. (Tie) Back Forty Beer Company, Black Market Bar, & Paramount - 11%
  3. Marty's GM - 8%
Best Seafood
  1. Automatic Seafood and Oysters - 51%
  2. The Fish Market - 14%
  3. Ocean - 11%
Best Steak
  1. Perry's Steakhouse & Grille - 26%
  2. (Tie) Bellini's Ristorante & The Bright Star - 9%
Best Hole in the Wall Restaurant
  1. Blue Pacific - 11%
  2. Giuseppe's Café - 10%
  3. Delta Blues Hot Tamales - 7%
Best Caterer
  1. Savoie - 17%
Best Restaurant or Food Not Categorized Above
  1. Eugene's Hot Chicken - 19%
  2. Chez Fonfon - 14%
  3. Niki’s West - 10%
Best Local Dish (Overall)
  1. Saw's Juke Joint Pork & Greens - 33%
Best Brewery
  1. TrimTab Brewing Company - 52%
  2. (Tie) Back Forty Beer Company & Good People Brewing Company - 15%
  3. Cahaba Brewing Company - 7%
Best Cocktail Bar
  1. The Collins Bar - 30%
  2. The Atomic Lounge - 26%
  3. Queen's Park - 20%
Best Pub
  1. Dave's Pub - 36%
  2. Carrigan's Public House - 16%
Best Dive Bar
  1. Marty's - 23%
  2. The Nick - 17%
  3. Upside Down Plaza - 14%
Best Wine Bar
  1. Freddy's Wine Bar - 50%
  2. Golden Age Wine - 22%
Best Sports Bar
  1. (Tie) Buffalo Wild Wings & Paramount - 20%
Best Bar for College Students
  1. Innisfree Irish Pub - 35%
  2. SideBar - 20%
  3. Black Market Bar - 10%
Best Liquor Store
  1. ABC (State-run liquor stores) - 58%
  2. Highland Package - 19%
  3. LeNell’s Beverage Boutique - 15%
Best Local Beer
  1. TrimTab – Any - 21%
  2. TrimTab Paradise Now - 19%
  3. (Tie) Ghost Train – Any, Good People Muchacho, & Good People Snake Handler - 6%
Best Local Signature Cocktail
  1. Sex Panther at The Atomic Lounge - 36%
  2. Anything at Queens Park - 21%

Services

Best Men's Haircut/Barber
  1. Single Barrel Barbershop - 27%
  2. (Tie) Suaze at Birmingham Classic Cuts, Newman at Birmingham Classic Cuts, & Salon U - 13%
Best Women's Haircut/Color
  1. Wheelhouse Salon - 19%
  2. (Tie) Beauty Shock, The Collective, Hairfolk, & Salon U - 10%
Best Tattoo Artist
  1. (Tie) Amber at Sanctum, Shane at Nonstop, & Sean at Nonstop - 13%
Best Gym or Fitness Center
  1. YMCA - 20%
  2. UAB Rec Center - 15%
Best Veterinarian
  1. Avondale Animal Hospital - 24%
  2. Riverview Animal Clinic - 14%
  3. (Tie) Cat Haven & Eastwood Animal Clinic - 10%
Best Realtor
  1. David Spurling - 14%
Best Auto Mechanic
  1. Green Garage - 50%
  2. Element Garage - 15%

Things to Do

Best First Date (restaurant, venue, or activity)
  1. (Tie) Bamboo on 2nd, Barons game, Saturn, & Vulcan - 8%
Best Casual Date
  1. (Tie) Birmingham Barons game & The Garage - 10%
Best Anniversary/Birthday Date
  1. Highlands Bar & Grill - 17%
  2. Bottega Café - 10%
Best Place to Meet Local Singles
  1. Birmingham GO Kickball - 27%
  2. Dating App/Online - 18%
Best Girls' Night Out
  1. Queen's Park - 27%
Best Guys' Night Out
  1. (Tie) Civil Axe Throwing & Topgolf - 13%
Best Thing to Do With a Group of Friends
  1. Brewery Tour - 15%
  2. (Tie) Birmingham Barons game & Pedal tour - 10%
Best Non-Alcoholic/All Ages Activity
  1. Birmingham Barons game - 19%
  2. (Tie) Railroad Park, Red Mountain Park, & Topgolf - 11%
  3. (Tie) Birmingham Botanical Gardens & Ruffner Mountain - 7%
Best Thing to do With Kids
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  3. (Tie) Hike at a local park & Railroad Park - 8%
Best Place to Make New Friends
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Best Party (Non-Wedding) Venue
  1. (Tie) Avondale Event Room, Haven, & Iron City - 20%
Best View of the City
  1. Vulcan 58%
  2. The Club - 10%
Best Hiking
  1. Ruffner Mountain - 50%
  2. Red Mountain - 26%
  3. Oak Mountain - 22%
Best Swimming
  1. Oak Mountain Lake - 50%
  2. Cahaba River - 20%
Best Museum
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  3. McWane Science Center - 8%
Best Park
  1. Railroad Park - 64%
Best Place for Dogs
  1. Red Mountain Park - 50%
  2. George Ward Park - 17%
Best Quiet Study Spot
  1. (Tie) Church Street Coffee and Books & Hoover Public Library - 13%
Best Farmer's Market
  1. The Market at Pepper Place - 81%
  2. Alabama Farmer’s Market - 9%
  3. Birdsong Market - 6%

Things to Know

Birmingham's Best Kept Secret
  1. The Garage - 20%
  2. (Tie) Blue Pacific & Jim Reed Books - 10%
Best Tourist Attraction
  1. Vulcan - 55%
  2. Birmingham Civil Rights Institute - 23%
  3. Sloss Furnaces - 9%
Best Music Venue
  1. (Tie) Iron City & Saturn - 42%
  2. Avondale Brewing Company - 5%
Best Local Band
  1. St. Paul and the Broken Bones - 18%
  2. (Tie) Manic Vision & The Brook and the Bluff - 9%
Best Bookstore
  1. Thank You Books - 55%
  2. Jim Reed Books - 20%
  3. Little Professor Bookshop - 15%
Best Locally Owned Store (Overall)
  1. (Tie) Birmingham Oddities, Dreamers Supply Co., Thank You Books, & Yellowhammer Creative - 10%
Best Place to Buy Local Gifts
  1. Yellowhammer Creative - 32%
  2. Alabama Goods - 21%
  3. (Tie) Ore Mercantile & Pizitz - 11%
Best Neighborhood for Young Adults
  1. Crestwood - 30%
  2. Highland Park - 28%
  3. Avondale) - 10%
Best Neighborhood for Families
  1. Homewood - 38%
  2. (Tie) Forest Park & Mountain Brook - 12%
  3. Crestwood - 9%
Worst Landlord/Leasing Agency (Ya’ll couldn’t come to an agreement on the Best)
  1. H2 - 33%
  2. Highland Historic Properties - 25%
  3. (Tie) Fred Nassar & Southside Apartment Company - 17%
Best Place to Volunteer
  1. Greater Birmingham Humane Society - 40%
  2. (Tie) Alabama Wildlife Center & GoBabyGoBHM - 13%
Best Place to Work
  1. UAB - 64%
Best Elementary/Middle School
  1. (Tie) Bluff Park & Crestline - 29%
Best High School
  1. (Tie) Homewood & Ramsay - 22%
Best Source for Local News
  1. Al.com - 35%
  2. WBHM - 24%
  3. Birmingham - 18% (we did it, reddit?)

Fun Facts

What is the Best Thing About Birmingham?
  1. Food/Beer - 41%
  2. Big city feel, little city charm - 28%
  3. Friendly people - 21%
What is the Worst Thing About Birmingham?
  1. Traffic - 20%
  2. Racism/Segregation - 14%
  3. Politics - 11%
Best Location for a Day Trip or Short Vacation
  1. (Tie) Cheaha, Gulf Coast, Lake Guntersville, Lake Martin, Mentone, & Oak Mountain - 8%
Best Local Instagram Account
  1. @InstagramBham - 38%
  2. @bhamnow - 31%
Best Local Celebrity
  1. Randall Woodfin - 24%
  2. Roy Wood Jr. - 19%
  3. (Tie) Charles Barkley & James Spann - 10%
Worst Local Celebrity
  1. Taylor Hicks - 32%
  2. Alexander Shunarrah - 16%
  3. (Tie) James Spann & Rick and Bubba - 11%
What is Something Birmingham is Best Known For?
  1. Civil Rights - 32%
  2. Food - 27%
  3. Racism - 9%
I Just Saw a Bunch of Police Cars Racing By. What's Going On?
  1. Shooting - 28%
  2. Testing fire trucks and ambulances - 8%
  3. (Tie) Hero Doughnuts just opened a new location & Hoover PD ruining someone's day – 6%
submitted by bhambetty to Birmingham [link] [comments]


2020.07.29 23:17 NannuhBannan Misleading marketing from Miami Beach Bum + angry customer service

EDIT 5: Oof, this became a mini-ordeal yesterday, so I needed a little break before updating. The conversation with the founder started completely as expected; she heard me out about the customer service rep, apologized, welcomed the feedback, and asked me to send her the transcript. In the meantime, this post was being viewed, and some folks reached out to them via Instagram/email. The founder then circled back to me, in tears, pleading with me not to slander their company and not-so-lightly shaming me for dividing people during such a hard time.
I felt badly that things had escalated and attempted to put out the fire by calming her down and also urging folks not to brigade. (Though with ~50 likes on this post, I can't imagine that the fire was really all that big.) Let me also clarify that I am against brigading just to vilify and spam a company, but I absolutely encourage people to reach out with legitimate questions and concerns, as I did.
Though my conversation with her seemed to end amicably, she nevertheless blocked me from both her own account and the company's page, even though I never commented on either and never intended to. (Also, because she blocked me from the MBB page early on, I couldn't see the comments to assess whether there was true brigading, or just genuine questions from ethical customers.) There was also at least one person here whose comment/question was deleted off their Instagram page. This, while perhaps understandable damage control, is a really bad look and further solidifies (in my opinion) that they fucked up and are trying to kinda write over it, as opposed to just being straightforward. How hard is it to add a blurb to the product page, like, "We used to have pearl in our formulations, but we want to be a 100% vegan company to match our claim, so we have taken it out of our formulation. So we really are plant-based, but we're just in the process of updating our website and ingredients list to match."
So.. I ended up feeling very torn about this last night. On the one hand, I know where I fucked up; I should have had a conversation in full with the founder before posting here. Honestly, I didn't think she was going to respond to me, and I wanted support from the community after the upsetting exchange with customer service. I felt terribly that the whole thing made her cry, and it's in my nature to protect people. She also guilted me a bit into the whole, "we're not the bad guys, you should focus on more important animal-rights issues" thing. And that's not untrue; a generally plant-based company who was too quick to the trigger with marketing language is not the ultimate enemy here.
But on the other hand, I am a fiercely principled person, and my loyalty is to the exploited animals and not to the people who exploit them. Sleeping on this reaffirmed for me that my ultimate commitment is to protecting them, and to uphold the idea that consumers are entitled to 100% honest information, and that it's not my responsibility to console a company because they fucked up and their customers caught it. I also considered the fact that it's not wrong of me to post on a VeganBeauty subreddit that there is something non-vegan in the ingredients of a company that claims to be vegan. I didn't do this because I'm bored, I posted because I value transparency and want to contribute to the vegan community.
So in the nature of that full transparency, here is the transcript of my conversation with the founder, edited to remove names and contact information:
Me: Hey ____, thought I'd ping you just to let you know that one of your customer service agents was quite rude and short with me when I asked for clarification on the pearl in your products combined with the vegan marketing.
It seems like MBB has an awesome message and goal. If you want to have a legitimate, kind conversation about the feedback I gave her, I would love to chat with you.
MBB Founder: Hi _____, I am so sorry this was your experience. Perhaps sometimes attitude can be mis-interpreted over text. You can forward the emails to ______ so I can see! But anyone representing MBB should know to go above and beyond to be friendly and not let any miscommunication occur. So again, I do apologize on their behalf.
And yes, we try our best at MBB! This is a self-funded baby of mine so we’re not where we’d like to be yet, but we’re always striving to be better and hope to have the kinks worked out soon.
The Pearl has been discontinued from our products. We don’t really promote vegan right now, just that we are plant-based. I think the product pages say vegan since we are in the process of switching over. Since we custom code our website changes can lag. The ingredients pages are scheduled to update within 6-8 weeks. So sorry about any discrepancies/ miscommunications or confusion that this caused.
Me: Thanks so much for your quick reply! I will forward you the email chain.
I love the idea of supporting a woman-made, plant-based and cruelty-free company. But I am quite strict about labels like "vegan" and "cruelty free," and feel that it's so important for those messages to be consistent so that consumers can make educated choices. I also acknowledge that it's confusing--even for people within the industry--to parse through all the different terms and know what means what. So I was just trying to dig a little deeper with her to understand 1) what you were attempting to promote, and 2) if it might benefit you to slightly amend the accompanying messaging.
I think it's a great move that you are discontinuing the pearl from your products. Though just a heads up that your current FAQs page says that your products are vegan. Also, I would recommend that you do not use the label "plant-based" either until you have indeed removed the pearl completely -- because when people see that label, they assume it means *all* ingredients are plant-based.
Hope that makes sense. There are too many labels! [She liked this.]
MBB: I appreciate your feedback
and will bring up with our marketing team to make sure they are using the correct terms
I have had to swat organic out of them so many times because... we are not certified organic
Me: Haha exactly! It's tough, and I appreciate that you are committed to honest marketing.
I'll forward you the email chain now [She liked this.]
[Later...]
MBB: Hi _____, I really appreciate you not rallying people to send us hate mail/ leave hateful comments on our page. We are starting to get bombarded. They are referencing your reddit post as telling them to comment on our page.
Just please know you are hurting my livelihood, you are hurting the people we employee during these difficult times and you are hurting the organizations we support from our sales.
I am not sure if any communications we have had warrant such an attack.
As we have already removed pearl from our formulation and I said I would have my marketing team remove any misleading statements in the interim of our inventory being turned over to 100% of the updated formulation. I am unsure what you are seeking from me? And in these times I think people should support each other, not be divisive and hateful. Bringing me down will not help end animal cruelty ( and by the way I have been almost vegan besides honey and pearl for 20 years) . And we donate to liiz.jones—a vegan who fights to end cruelty, commercial farming, etc. So we need to help raise each other up fight against people who are truly not sympathetic or open to ending animal cruelty.
I think it is unfair to slander Miami Beach Bum and push other people to slander us as well.
Me: Hey ____ - let me read this in full and respond
I want you to know I am NOT encouraging people to slander you. I posted my conversation with _____ [the customer service rep] to a vegan beauty subreddit to let them know that the messaging was inconsistent and that people should have these types of conversations with customer service to get to the truth about what they're buying.
In fact, I have told people to not "brigade" as I consider that ridiculous and ineffective.
But let me read your full message so I can respond to you adequately
MBB: I don’t need a response. I also don’t need the hate. I apologize my marketing jumped the ball on terms before our stock was 100% updated.
But please know you are hurting me. And I am not sure what I did to deserve it. I am not perfect, but am in the process of making MBB better.
This is really upsetting and I would appreciate if you could stop slandering my company in public forums. I am in tears.
Me: Hey, would you like to talk over the phone at some point to clear this up? Listen - I promise that my intention was never to slander you. But the vegan community takes their labels and marketing language quite seriously, plus I received an incredibly rude response from ____ [the rep], so the combination was enough to upset me and seek out support from my community. And to let them know that they should hold off on buying MBB products unless they are genuinely plant-based.
I know this sounds whack because you're upset, but there is truly no hate, only love. I have nothing but love for all living things, and I will fight for them. I'm used to people getting defensive during personal conversations, but dealing with it from customer service was a new experience. As someone who is herself essentially vegan, I know you can appreciate that the fight in us is strong. But again, I did not encourage people to brigade you -- all I did was copy/paste my conversation with ____ [the rep]. Truthfully, if she had simply been kinder to me, this would not have escalated in such a way.
MBB: Since we have removed pearl our marketing team jumped the gun on using terms that should have been used before Oct 1. I admit that. I apologized.
The sad part is. If I had let them update ingredients on website/ labels before the stock was 100% turned over. I would have never been pinned by you. But I did not want to do this.
Please Just realize who you’re hurting and ask yourself what your goal is. Because the girl I pay $20/hour to do customer service isn’t whose being hurt. It’s me. [My edit: I don't understand this reasoning. My goal was never to hurt anyone, especially not a customer service rep - only to seek out the truth. I felt that I was pretty clear about that.]
Anyway, I wish you the best and hope you use this fight in the future against the real bad guys. I don’t consider myself one of them.
Me: _____, I hear you. I promise you that this will blow over. It's a relatively small community on Reddit filled with some very passionate people. Like you said, your goal was honest and ethical -- and you will continue to promote that message, and the right people will support you for it. In promoting the clean beauty/vegan/cruelty-free message, you will inevitably attract gate-keepers and people with very strict ethical standards. Like me, those people will hold you to a higher standard for your marketing claims and ingredient sources.
Along that vein, my only goal, ever, is to promote animal welfare and to discourage the use of all animals (whether or not they have a central brain) from cosmetics, clothing, food, etc.
MBB: Really though. I hope you lead the charge against commercial farming, places like the seaquarium we have in Miami. Lolita in a bathtub.
We truly need more people like you who fight large scale animal cruelty. I’m not being facetious. I don’t have the gut for it, but it’s so necessary. Check out liiz.jones, you’ll love her.
As of Oct 1 take MBB off the enemy list though 😅
Me: Girl, it's not on the enemy list! I promise. It's weird because honey + pearls are actually never the hill I choose to die on, since the animals they come from are more difficult for people to relate to, but I felt it was necessary to explain to ____ [the rep] that this is still something people take seriously, and that marketing language is so important to ethical consumers, and that isn't some needless "war I'm waging" just to make a point. I hope you bring me up in board meetings for lessons learned 😅
Commercial farming is the true war I'd die for.
I so appreciate that you are an ethical person and a strong businesswoman. But don't forget that your fans will always hold you to a higher standard because of it. We will be fierce about inconsistencies if we think it spreads misinformation. But I understand that that was not your intent, and that it seems to have come down to a matter of bad timing with website/ingredients updates, and perhaps Reddit vegans getting a little too excited. (And unfortunately, a rather rude customer service rep.)
Marked as "seen" but no response, and she has since blocked me. So there you have it. I leave it to you to decide the types of plant-based, CF companies you want to support and whether this is one of them. I certainly won't be giving them my money, and I'm sure they've got an APB out for me if I so much as visit their website anyway, haha.
///
EDIT 4: PLEASE DO NOT BRIGADE THE COMPANY! I am speaking with the founder and she's explaining the root cause of why their vegan claim was ill-timed, before they fully swapped out the pearl products. I want to give her a chance to do the right thing without being buried.
///
ORIGINAL TEXT:
Long, off-my-chest kinda post.
My omni sister low-key hit level 5 vegan today when she called me and said, "I want to buy this product. They're certified CF and claim to be plant-based, but the cream contains pearl powder. Isn't that non-vegan?"
Go, sis!
So I emailed the company. I just want to paste the whole thing to show the community how easy it is to reach out get the truth (the initial email took me 3 minutes), but also how quickly they turn off the charm and become frustrated when you challenge them. (Also I obviously want validation from my people, duh. But à la AmItheAsshole, I welcome feedback about what I may have said that got her so annoyed. Though I think she just hates vegans, ha.)

Hi Miami Beach Bum,
So happy to see that you guys are certified cruelty-free by Leaping Bunny!
I’m looking to purchase your Bum + Body Cream and have a question about a few of the ingredients, given your claim of not sourcing ingredients from animals:
- Pearl powder: pearls grow in oysters. Can you please clarify the claim behind this being a vegan ingredient?
- Because the above ingredient appears to not be plant-based, I’d like to also verify that the following ingredients are
vegan, since they can be sourced from either animal or synthetic sources: glycerin, cetearyl isononanoate, and stearic acid.
Thanks for your help!

Her response:
Thank you for reaching out. Yes these following ingredients are sourced from plants: glycerin (from vegetable oils), cetearyl isononanoate (from coconut) and stearic acid (from vegetable oils). And to note, the squalane in our face creams is sourced from olives.
We are Leaping Bunny Certified, the only International Organization that deems products cruelty free/vegan. When we discussed with them about pearl, it seemed to fall in the same category as honey. Is it vegan or not? Some say yes, some say no. And we were granted the designation.
However, you are not the first to bring this up and in an effort to be the most eco-friendly and to be 100%, unarguably vegan we have actually removed pearl from all future manufacturing as of March 2020. New stock will be in (pearl free) starting October 1st. We are actually also dropping a lemongrass version of this bum + body cream at this time.
If you do not feel comfortable with the pearl, please reach back in October via email and we will gift you the updated formula :)
Thank you for bringing this to our attention as feedback like this is important for us to better our products and company!

So I said:
Thanks so much for your quick response, and for verifying that those ingredients mentioned are indeed plant-derived.
If I may, I'd love to get a little deeper into the overall topic with you, so that Miami Beach Bum can ensure honest marketing:
Unfortunately “vegan” and “cruelty-free” are distinct terms in the cosmetics industry. Meaning: a product could be made of plant-based ingredients, and is therefore labeled “vegan” by the company. But they test their finished product on animals, and so they are not cruelty-free. Or the opposite can be true: a product can be certified cruelty-free (as MBB has been), but their products are sourced from animals, and so they are therefore not vegan. Of course, the gold standard is for both to be true, as it appears that Miami Beach Bum tries to accomplish. (Yay.)So you can see that because of this bizarre distinction, unfortunately the Leaping Bunny certification does not certify that a company's products are vegan. Though there is some philosophical debate over whether honey and pearls are ethical, the fact is that they do indeed come from animals and are therefore not plant-based/vegan.It would mean a lot to Miami Beach Bum's customers, especially those on vegan and cruelty-free blogs, if the company would either revoke its claim of using only plant-based materials, and/or to make a statement that the pearl has been removed from the ingredients and therefore that the products are indeed now entirely plant-based. (BTW, so happy you've done that!) Otherwise, the claim appears misguided at best, and deceptive at worst. Hope that makes sense. Thanks so much for engaging me on this!

Here's where she turns to the dark side. Seriously, what did I even say?!
Not all of our products contain pearl, so marketing our products as plant-based is proper.
And as I said, since most of our stock has been replaced with newer batches that don't contain pearl, we find it not deceptive that we are keeping pearl in the ingredients on site until 100% of our stock is conforming. But yet, admirable. As to not mislead. For those who receive this old stock that contains pearl.
I have attached what comes up from a quick google search about oysters. And it being accepted as vegan, in the vegan community. [She attached a screenshot from the first google hit that said "It's OK for vegans to eat oysters. Biologically, oysters are not plants, but when it comes to ethical eating, they are almost indistinguishable from plants." LOL.]
Yes, I know Leaping Bunny does not certify vegan, but I am saying we have had conversions with them, about this ingredient being accepted in the vegan community. And we could most definitely get vegan certification with pearl in our products. Our founder is vegan. Many influencers and friends of the brand are vegan. They all accept pearl as vegan (& honey).
But again, due to concerned vegans like yourself who have waged wars on Miami Beach Bum we have removed this ingredient from all formulations so we can put an end to these rabbit hole conversations.

And my most recent reply:
Thanks again for your reply. I'm sorry to read from your tone that you appear frustrated, though I'm not sure why. As a company that appears to pride itself on ethics, I hope you would understand that your consumers are curious and staunch about ethics as well. You'll find my responses in bold below:
Not all of our products contain pearl, so marketing our products as plant-based is proper. Your FAQ page says, "Yes our products are both cruelty-free and vegan." That implies all products, as I don't see any exceptions mentioned. You might consider adding, "except for the products with pearl, though that has now been removed from the formulation."
And as I said, since most of our stock has been replaced with newer batches that don't contain pearl, we find it not deceptive that we are keeping pearl in the ingredients on site until 100% of our stock is conforming. But yet, admirable. As to not mislead. For those who receive this old stock that contains pearl. I don't follow how you are admirably avoiding misleading customers. I am trying to point out an inconsistency in your marketing and ingredients--which my non-vegan sister noticed and was confused about--precisely because it is misleading. If your newer batches don't contain pearl, the products on your website and the ingredients ought to be updated. Or just add a message about the change in stock. Then customers will not be misled. The way your website/products/claims stand right now is inconsistent and confusing. Perhaps if you updated it, you wouldn't continue having these rabbit-hole conversations, as you put it.
I have attached what comes up from a quick google search about oysters. And it being accepted as vegan, in the vegan community. I appreciate that. Again, there are certain niche philosophical theories about the ethics of eating oysters due to their not having a central brain like ours. But they are animals, and as such, exploiting them for pearls is not vegan. Similarly, honey comes from animals and is not vegan. You may gather anecdotal information from people who opt to consume these products, but that does not change the fact that they are not vegan by definition and not accepted within the ethical vegan community.
Yes, I know Leaping Bunny does not certify vegan, but I am saying we have had conversions with them, about this ingredient being accepted in the vegan community. And we could most definitely get vegan certification with pearl in our products. Our founder is vegan. Many influencers and friends of the brand are vegan. They all accept pearl as vegan (& honey). See my answer above. If they "accept" pearl and honey, then these people are plant-based, not vegan. Vegans do not use animal products, period. But I don't care how they identify; I really only care how you market your products to consumers who are trying to do the right thing.
But again, due to concerned vegans like yourself who have waged wars on Miami Beach Bum we have removed this ingredient from all formulations so we can put an end to these rabbit hole conversations. I'm sorry that you are clearly frustrated by these "rabbit hole conversations" about ethics in marketing and in exploiting animals. One day when our beauty products no longer contain unnecessary animal products, I'm sure the animals will appreciate the industry no longer waging a war on them. Until then, I will fight for them and for honest marketing, which we are entitled to as consumers.
So yeah, I kinda feel like, fuck this company. Her initial response seemed kind but was clearly totally canned. I don't care at this point if they do become truly plant-based. I don't want to support a company that claims to be vegan as a super-thin veil for their disdain for actual vegans.
Edit: ugh sorry the emails are huge walls of text. Having trouble with formatting.
Edit 2: Her final response:
Thank you. As, I mentioned, as of October 2020 all of our stock will be updated and not contain any pearl. So you have won your battle here/ there never was a battle here for you to wage. Please move on to someone else.
When will people realize we literally don’t do this for our health? All I care about is animal welfare and ethical marketing, not about making a point.
I responded:
There was never a battle from my end. You became quite defensive after your first (perhaps disingenuously) kind email. You had originally welcomed the feedback, so I simply continued the conversation and asked for further clarification.
MBB seems like they want to do the right thing. Their customers want to buy ethical products. We have the same goal, and I provided feedback on how to strengthen your message toward that goal. Don’t be rude to people who simply want to help the voiceless.
Neither I nor my friends or family will be supporting MBB. Thank you for making it an easy decision!
Edit 3: I’m speaking directly with the founder now. Hopefully she is more reasonable.
submitted by NannuhBannan to VeganBeauty [link] [comments]


2020.07.27 17:26 ThrowRA_25_ 7 years of my journey part 1

My life has turned into a never ending nightmare of a soap opera. This is my first time posting on reddit but I really need advice and to hear other people’s point of views regarding my situation. To start, I am a 25 year old female, and my ex is a 25 year old male. We started dating the last year of high school and the 6 years we were together have been quite the rollercoaster. I do want to say that I was in love with this person since he was my first love and because of that I think that is why I endured so much heartache throughout the years. I was a naive 17 year old girl who just wanted to be loved and understood. I wanted to make it work no matter what.
We started dating in March of 2013, 5 months before I was going away for college ( I know.. silly) I gave him a chance on a date since he had been asking for so long and I thought why not... I ended up falling head over heels quickly, especially since this was my first love, and I had never experienced affection before from anyone intimately. I had never been on a date before and with him I discovered places I had never been to since my parents would never really go anywhere. I became very attached to this person since he was my first love and the one I lost my virginity to..Fast forward to June when we had Prom, things went downhill. He broke up with me the morning after. His reason was that I was “ungrateful” for the hotel room he got us since I apparently complained about sharing the room with his best friend but he never told me he was splitting costs or that he would like it if I would pitch in some money. Eventually I found out that he was planning since April to break up with me and used that as an excuse. That morning he threw my bags in front of my house, kicked me out of the car and said it was over. I spent the whole day laying down on my bed in shock and trying to convince him to be with me.. looking back now I wish I had stopped myself and stopped all contact. I wish I had self respect, but I was young and naive and blind in love to what was happening.
Two weeks later we started talking again and we would meet up randomly to hang out or to be intimate and never defined what we were. At the time he was heavily involved in taking drugs at every concert and I was the one trying to get him to stop. Then August came and a week before I was moving we had a party at a friends house and he got so drunk that he passed out on a lawn chair. His friend and I then decided to go through his phone since he said I should probably check it, and I found so many girls that he was talking to including his friends girl that he was actually seeing and cheating with. I was so heart broken but I blamed myself for not defining things and being in a relationship with him. I thought if I was in one, he wouldn’t do this. And so that week I told him either I leave for college in a relationship with you or it’s over. And he agreed to put a title and that was that. Another stupid, stupid mistake. I went to college in a relationship. I was faithful to him. That’s something I’m very proud of because to this day I can say I have never cheated or wanted to despite all the infidelity on his part. We maintained a long distance relationship where we would see each other every 3-4 weeks either he would visit me or vice versa. He was planning on moving up that January, 5 months after I had moved to Tallahassee for school. He wanted to go to school up here and start a life here with me. Later on I would find out that was only an excuse and he was not done with his childish ways. The same week he was supposed to come up to look for apartments I received an anonymous message sending me screenshots of an explicit convo he had with an old friend of mine. Let’s just say I was furious and wanted to cut ties but he drove up that same day and made amends with me somehow convinced me that he was moving for me and to start over. Months would go by and I would start finding texts between him and other girls that completely broke my heart. I would get mad and he would in turn get mad at me for looking through this things and breaching his privacy. He then would say I’m just making things into something bigger than they were and that why would he do this if he had moved up here for me? He would get mad I would bring things up and randomly at 3 am would tell me to go home when there was no way for me to get back safely. I’d have to park my car far from the dorm and walk and he didn’t care. Now I understand that if you have to go through someone’s phone, the relationship is already over, but at that time I didn’t. He would blame me and distance himself then come back and make amends. I’d say 4-5 months after he moved to Tallahassee I started experimenting with smoking marijuana with him. At first it was occasional but then as time went on I used it as a way of forgetting my problems and feeling good when in fact I was very depressed over all the betrayal I would constantly find out about. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now looking back I do. During that summer he even convinced me to try LSD and I did it to try to connect to him and figure out the root problem of his betrayals. The first night I tried it I had to drive home and he let me go while I was still tripping and all the lights were coming at me. I had a 5 min drive home so I thought I could make it. I wasn’t thinking clearly and realize now I could have died or killed someone. I ended up doing it 4 times that summer and never again. It only made me feel all the pain I went through and then when I thought he was fine and we had been raw in our emotions, I would see more messages on his phone pop up. Then September 2014 came and my best friend came up to college to get an apartment with me. We hung out for weeks while she was visiting and seeing places, and then one day when I got back from work she told me that my boyfriend had messaged her about how he basically wanted to be “fuck buddies” with her and how he did want to be with me in the future, but he wanted to have sex with other people as well and since her bf was away, that she might agree to this. She was disgusted by this. She told me right away and I was broken. I remember coming back to his apartment that day and he had cooked and did everything right and looked on edge but I didn’t have the guts to say anything. Finally I did and we took a break. A break that deep down I didn’t want since I was in love with him and I just drowned my sorrows into smoking more and forgetting my problems. 2 weeks later somehow he convinced me he was worthy of yet another chance. Things got so awkward between my friend and I that we grew apart and never ended up getting an apartment together. We would still hang out but since I chose to stay with him, things weren’t the same.
The months passed and he started talking to another girl and another.. unfortunately I recognize now that I was so blind by this unconditional love I had that I missed the red flags and blatant disrespect that happened right in my face. We would be “good” for months then I would check his phone and see something disappointing that would break me. One of the biggest disappointments was when I got sick with bile reflux and a hiatal hernia (which I now believe was due to smoking so much and eating so much at a time that I tore something inside of me..) the nausea and acid reflux got to bad I would be throwing up daily and using marijuana now more than ever to “cure me”. I went to countless doctors and focused on trying to find out what was happening to my body; I quit checking his phone and worrying about him. I was trying to survive. I threw up daily and needed to smoke to get rid of the nausea but then all the smoking was causing it to get worse. I had 2 surgeries that year. I got rid of my tonsils and adenoids since they were swollen and I thought the problem would be solved. It wasn’t. Then months later I got an endoscopy to see inside and they still saw bile and the hernia. I was put on medication but I still needed to smoke to be able to eat and not be nauseous. It only made it worse and made me numb to my feelings in my personal life as well.
That year I got sick he started working more and he would get home late. He then started staying out until 3 am at the Friday’s restaurant/bar with work friends, and even took me once so I would know where he was at.. but the weeks passed and every weekend 1-2 days out of the week he would stay til 3 am with work friends. Eventually March of 2016 he wanted to take a break since he felt like some things weren’t right. He didn’t give much of an explanation but months later I would find out about a text conversation between him and this girl Julia where she said he should go on a break with her gf again... meaning he had cheated during his random March break. I was so hurt but I didn’t say anything that time. Internally, it was over but I just couldn’t bring myself to end it. By that summer we were both moving out of our apartments since we both lived in separate places with random assigned student living. We both went to live with our friends, and I had even suggested at that time that we move in together but he denied the idea. That summer he also went on a 2 week cruise with his family around Bahamas and the islands. I spent time with my family and when he returned I just felt like something was off since he was trying to love bomb me. We had a hurricane happen and we lost power for 8 days in Tallahassee and had to struggle together to get though since we chose to quarantine in his apartment for the storm. We chose his place due to the ability to connect a charger to the car through the window and connect appliances since he was on the first floor. The day we got power back I checked my Instagram and noticed there was a DM from a week or so ago from a random girl saying she had slept with my bf during the cruise trip and that she was sorry and thought he was single since that is what he had told her. I was so angry at the time. I remember reading that when I was still in his apt and I screamed out in the living room where he and everyone was about how much a cheater and a horrible person he was and what he had done. He started denying it and being very calm about everything even laughing under his breathe to make me look insane and acting like it didn’t phase him- he didn’t care. I was screaming and calling him all the names and he just kept saying she was actually now obsessed with him and he didn’t pay her attention at the cruise. But why would someone who lives in Canada reach out to me to let me know what happened? She could have just ignored it but she felt it was right to tell me and I respect her for her honesty. I went home that day and wrote a 4 page letter to him of all the wrong that he had done in the 3 years we were together and how I knew about all the infidelities. I’m a writer, so expressing myself in this vessel is a way for me to heal. That evening I was planning on breaking up with him and giving him the letter to read to have closure. I went over to his place and brought over the letter and handed it to him and told him it was over and that I knew he cheated and that what the stranger told me was the truth. He denied it again and took the paper and went straight to the garbage bin to dispose of it. He didn’t even give it a glance and that was so disrespectful. I ran back and asked him why he did that and he ended up stealing my attention to talk about how he actually really did want to break up since we weren’t getting along and it was his senior year and he needed to focus on his bio degree..basically giving his excuses as to why he wanted to end the relationship and really blew me away because it was all excuses but I felt rejection in that moment and that hurt my ego when this was really supposed to end because he cheated on me. We split up for 6 months.
At first I was depressed for a while.. I got so depressed that I became physically ill for a month and doctors didn’t know why I was sick for that long. I believe heartbreak caused that physical manifestation. As the months went by I started accepting it then seeing it was for the better. That month of December 2016 I went to Brasil for a month to visit my family. I had the time of my life going to the beach and doing touristy things; it helped me heal. I felt and told people I was done with him. Then in January he came crawling back to hang out. I rejected it at first then agreed and we started by watching a movie and smoking together. I hadn’t smoked in 6 weeks and my numbness went away and clarity had come back. I started feeling all the emotions again but I started smoking with him and that numbness came back. I honestly wish I wouldn’t have smoked again because it ruined my judgment and the hard work it took to heal. I should never have let him back into my life. After hanging out once he apologized for “leaving me alone all this time” and “abandoning me”. I forgave him and chose to get back together. I honestly thought he was sorry and that he realized what he had lost. Months passed and I was still living with my friend but he was always at my apartment. We got close again and we were both still in school. His plan was to graduate in August and then move back with his family in Miami. I was so upset by this that I wanted him to stay and I told him that. Since he took a while to decide his situation my roommate and her bf and friend who was living with my bf decided to all sign a lease together since my bf was undecided and they needed a place to live. He finally decided that he wanted to stay with me in Tallahassee and so we had to sign a lease together since I had no one else to live with on such short notice.
It was September of 2017 when he moved in. I was very happy at the time and wanted to make the place very cozy. That very next month he had a month long trip to Europe with his family that he went to and left me alone in the apt with my thoughts. I kept thinking.. if he did it once in the Bahamas.. he would do it again in Europe.. Then I would justify it by saying no, no he’s changed. He realized he can’t do that and keep me. But did he? In December I was again seeing my family for a month since at the time they moved to Brasil and was living there for a few years to renovate their home and sell it. I had spent a whole year without seeing my family and I missed them dearly. My bf and I texted the whole time and we were okay. We told each other we missed each other and one day he was silent for hours. Then he replied to me and was very extra about his feelings and how he missed me and I just felt that something was wrong. When I came back he love bombed me and looking back he was very extra with trying to be affectionate to deter me from thinking anything could possibly have happened while I was away. Two months later I stopped smoking to do a class during spring break since I thought I would be drug tested and I became very annoyed easily. He didn’t understand my withdrawal symptoms and reacted harshly as well. I went to check his phone one very day and say some random texts and Facebook messages from girls that didn’t make sense. It was from December while I was away and I just automatically accused him of doing something wrong. He had an explanation for everything and I believed him because I had no proof. Based on his explanations it was all rational. That month we got a letter from our building saying they needed to renovate and move us to another location in the complex, thus resigning another year lease. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do so I signed the lease because I needed a place to stay.
That very month we moved in, I graduated and we went to visit his parents and buy furniture at ikea for our new place. I was so happy at the time. We were in a good place, we were starting an online business, had great ideas flowing, etc. Then one day his phone lit up. I went to check and some number had texted him saying she couldn’t wait to see him on Monday. And he said he couldn’t either. I was so caught off guard because we had just purchased things for our new place and I thought we were okay! I was leaving that weekend to go back and start decorating while he spent more time with him family. It started to make more sense that maybe he was seeing this person while I was away.. I didn’t say anything and that night I messaged the number. I asked her who she was and she said she was a sex worker. At that moment my heart was racing uncontrollably. I didn’t want to know more. We were just okay... we were building a business... no it couldn’t be. I confronted him about it and he said it was an old friend who messaged him and not the person claiming to be a sex worker. I believed him because he had such a serious explanation for it that I fell for the lies. And I wanted the business to move forward.
That summer we spent building the business and website to launch at the end of the summer. Then he went to New York with his family in June for a quick trip and then back to Miami. He then claimed his friends invited him to go to Bahamas out of the blue and told me it was last minute and that he couldn’t refuse a free trip. I was livid. I knew the risk of him cheating and I was sure he would if he went out with his friends. He still went despite me saying I didn’t feel comfortable or like the idea. I then noticed he added someone on Instagram that was from Chicago and she had her Snapchat on her page listed so I decided to follow. I sneakily added her and decided to ask if she knew him. She said yes and that he had just requested her on tinder that day. I blew up on him. He defended himself and rejected it of course but I knew this wasn’t a lie. That was when he started gaslighting me and saying it was all in my head. He didn’t talk to me many nights and I just focused all my energy on building the website. He had an excuse when he got back and I “forgave” him because now we had a business to move forward and money was invested. We were starting a clothing brand together and I wanted it to be successful I was willing to put my own reality on the back burner. What a huge mistake.
The months passed and we got heavily invested, spending hours a day on the business and working a serving job. We were in a good place and happy it seemed. But then in September I noticed him getting close to a family friend and she would randomly call him. One time she called to let him know about some good dog food brands and wanted to talk on the phone about it.. he put her on speaker I guess to try to justify it and show me nothing was going on.. I kept making side marks like why is she asking that? Why does she care? Wtf? And he got so mad he knocked my phone out of my hand and it hit my cheek to the point of causing a bruise. There was no reason for him to knock my phone out. He was talking to her through his phone and I was just holding my phone. He still to this day says it was my fault for being nosy and it’s not his fault the phone hit me.. does that even make sense? We had a trip scheduled with his parents the next week to Tennessee and I went and put on a front like everything was okay. I still had a bruise and I covered it up with makeup. I remember one night his friend was hanging out with us there in the cabins and he said the one important thing to be is honest. It’s so important to be honest with each other. I said yeah it really is and in my mind I thought that he would take the hint or if he had something to say that would be his opportunity to confess. But no. It didn’t phase him.
The emotional abuse continued along with the questioning of my judgment and why I didn’t trust him. He would kick open bathroom doors while I wanted privacy just to “discuss” things on why I had such insecurities or couldn’t trust him. He wanted to ingrain in my mind that I had no reason to doubt him. He would corner me along the kitchen as well to get me to “talk” and not let me pass because we had to discuss things.. pulling me back to the same spot to listen to him..after a while I realized it was some sort of abuse and definitely emotional abuse. Then in December I found a bunch of texted between him and his coworker showing off his designer wallets and things, saying how now she has a reason to “fuck him” and a bunch of other nonsense. I went off. I saw the exchange happened at 4 am.. that was when I was sleeping after staying up late working on OUR business. I knew at that point he would never change and I was wasting my time building something with the wrong person. I kept that bottled up. I didn’t talk to him for days and just became angry. He knew something was wrong and finally asked me and I said you can guess.. you know why I’m mad. He said he didn’t and I still wouldn’t say anything. He then smashed his beer mug onto the counter and it went a million pieces. Then he quickly got up and put both hands on my chair and got really close and screamed TELL ME! At that moment I fell on my back together with him and he grabbed my head and squeezed it and yelled tell me! Since I was so afraid of him at that point i screamed the girls name and got up and then waited for his reaction. Of course he said he didn’t mean it literally he was just playing around and I said that’s so disrespectful especially when I show my face at the restaurant at times to say hi or eat. He didn’t seem like it bothered him at all. He just brushed it off like he does with everything that hurts me. He makes it seem small so that I forget about it too.
submitted by ThrowRA_25_ to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]


2020.07.27 16:52 ThrowRA_25_ NEED ADVICE: 7 years of my journey Part 1

My life has turned into a never ending nightmare of a soap opera. This is my first time posting on reddit but I really need advice and to hear other people’s point of views regarding my situation. To start, I am a 25 year old female, and my ex is a 25 year old male. We started dating the last year of high school and the 6 years we were together have been quite the rollercoaster. I do want to say that I was in love with this person since he was my first love and because of that I think that is why I endured so much heartache throughout the years. I was a naive 17 year old girl who just wanted to be loved and understood. I wanted to make it work no matter what.
We started dating in March of 2013, 5 months before I was going away for college ( I know.. silly) I gave him a chance on a date since he had been asking for so long and I thought why not... I ended up falling head over heels quickly, especially since this was my first love, and I had never experienced affection before from anyone intimately. I had never been on a date before and with him I discovered places I had never been to since my parents would never really go anywhere. I became very attached to this person since he was my first love and the one I lost my virginity to..Fast forward to June when we had Prom, things went downhill. He broke up with me the morning after. His reason was that I was “ungrateful” for the hotel room he got us since I apparently complained about sharing the room with his best friend but he never told me he was splitting costs or that he would like it if I would pitch in some money. Eventually I found out that he was planning since April to break up with me and used that as an excuse. That morning he threw my bags in front of my house, kicked me out of the car and said it was over. I spent the whole day laying down on my bed in shock and trying to convince him to be with me.. looking back now I wish I had stopped myself and stopped all contact. I wish I had self respect, but I was young and naive and blind in love to what was happening.
Two weeks later we started talking again and we would meet up randomly to hang out or to be intimate and never defined what we were. At the time he was heavily involved in taking drugs at every concert and I was the one trying to get him to stop. Then August came and a week before I was moving we had a party at a friends house and he got so drunk that he passed out on a lawn chair. His friend and I then decided to go through his phone since he said I should probably check it, and I found so many girls that he was talking to including his friends girl that he was actually seeing and cheating with. I was so heart broken but I blamed myself for not defining things and being in a relationship with him. I thought if I was in one, he wouldn’t do this. And so that week I told him either I leave for college in a relationship with you or it’s over. And he agreed to put a title and that was that. Another stupid, stupid mistake. I went to college in a relationship. I was faithful to him. That’s something I’m very proud of because to this day I can say I have never cheated or wanted to despite all the infidelity on his part. We maintained a long distance relationship where we would see each other every 3-4 weeks either he would visit me or vice versa. He was planning on moving up that January, 5 months after I had moved to Tallahassee for school. He wanted to go to school up here and start a life here with me. Later on I would find out that was only an excuse and he was not done with his childish ways. The same week he was supposed to come up to look for apartments I received an anonymous message sending me screenshots of an explicit convo he had with an old friend of mine. Let’s just say I was furious and wanted to cut ties but he drove up that same day and made amends with me somehow convinced me that he was moving for me and to start over. Months would go by and I would start finding texts between him and other girls that completely broke my heart. I would get mad and he would in turn get mad at me for looking through this things and breaching his privacy. He then would say I’m just making things into something bigger than they were and that why would he do this if he had moved up here for me? He would get mad I would bring things up and randomly at 3 am would tell me to go home when there was no way for me to get back safely. I’d have to park my car far from the dorm and walk and he didn’t care. Now I understand that if you have to go through someone’s phone, the relationship is already over, but at that time I didn’t. He would blame me and distance himself then come back and make amends. I’d say 4-5 months after he moved to Tallahassee I started experimenting with smoking marijuana with him. At first it was occasional but then as time went on I used it as a way of forgetting my problems and feeling good when in fact I was very depressed over all the betrayal I would constantly find out about. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now looking back I do. During that summer he even convinced me to try LSD and I did it to try to connect to him and figure out the root problem of his betrayals. The first night I tried it I had to drive home and he let me go while I was still tripping and all the lights were coming at me. I had a 5 min drive home so I thought I could make it. I wasn’t thinking clearly and realize now I could have died or killed someone. I ended up doing it 4 times that summer and never again. It only made me feel all the pain I went through and then when I thought he was fine and we had been raw in our emotions, I would see more messages on his phone pop up. Then September 2014 came and my best friend came up to college to get an apartment with me. We hung out for weeks while she was visiting and seeing places, and then one day when I got back from work she told me that my boyfriend had messaged her about how he basically wanted to be “fuck buddies” with her and how he did want to be with me in the future, but he wanted to have sex with other people as well and since her bf was away, that she might agree to this. She was disgusted by this. She told me right away and I was broken. I remember coming back to his apartment that day and he had cooked and did everything right and looked on edge but I didn’t have the guts to say anything. Finally I did and we took a break. A break that deep down I didn’t want since I was in love with him and I just drowned my sorrows into smoking more and forgetting my problems. 2 weeks later somehow he convinced me he was worthy of yet another chance. Things got so awkward between my friend and I that we grew apart and never ended up getting an apartment together. We would still hang out but since I chose to stay with him, things weren’t the same.
The months passed and he started talking to another girl and another.. unfortunately I recognize now that I was so blind by this unconditional love I had that I missed the red flags and blatant disrespect that happened right in my face. We would be “good” for months then I would check his phone and see something disappointing that would break me. One of the biggest disappointments was when I got sick with bile reflux and a hiatal hernia (which I now believe was due to smoking so much and eating so much at a time that I tore something inside of me..) the nausea and acid reflux got to bad I would be throwing up daily and using marijuana now more than ever to “cure me”. I went to countless doctors and focused on trying to find out what was happening to my body; I quit checking his phone and worrying about him. I was trying to survive. I threw up daily and needed to smoke to get rid of the nausea but then all the smoking was causing it to get worse. I had 2 surgeries that year. I got rid of my tonsils and adenoids since they were swollen and I thought the problem would be solved. It wasn’t. Then months later I got an endoscopy to see inside and they still saw bile and the hernia. I was put on medication but I still needed to smoke to be able to eat and not be nauseous. It only made it worse and made me numb to my feelings in my personal life as well.
That year I got sick he started working more and he would get home late. He then started staying out until 3 am at the Friday’s restaurant/bar with work friends, and even took me once so I would know where he was at.. but the weeks passed and every weekend 1-2 days out of the week he would stay til 3 am with work friends. Eventually March of 2016 he wanted to take a break since he felt like some things weren’t right. He didn’t give much of an explanation but months later I would find out about a text conversation between him and this girl Julia where she said he should go on a break with her gf again... meaning he had cheated during his random March break. I was so hurt but I didn’t say anything that time. Internally, it was over but I just couldn’t bring myself to end it. By that summer we were both moving out of our apartments since we both lived in separate places with random assigned student living. We both went to live with our friends, and I had even suggested at that time that we move in together but he denied the idea. That summer he also went on a 2 week cruise with his family around Bahamas and the islands. I spent time with my family and when he returned I just felt like something was off since he was trying to love bomb me. We had a hurricane happen and we lost power for 8 days in Tallahassee and had to struggle together to get though since we chose to quarantine in his apartment for the storm. We chose his place due to the ability to connect a charger to the car through the window and connect appliances since he was on the first floor. The day we got power back I checked my Instagram and noticed there was a DM from a week or so ago from a random girl saying she had slept with my bf during the cruise trip and that she was sorry and thought he was single since that is what he had told her. I was so angry at the time. I remember reading that when I was still in his apt and I screamed out in the living room where he and everyone was about how much a cheater and a horrible person he was and what he had done. He started denying it and being very calm about everything even laughing under his breathe to make me look insane and acting like it didn’t phase him- he didn’t care. I was screaming and calling him all the names and he just kept saying she was actually now obsessed with him and he didn’t pay her attention at the cruise. But why would someone who lives in Canada reach out to me to let me know what happened? She could have just ignored it but she felt it was right to tell me and I respect her for her honesty. I went home that day and wrote a 4 page letter to him of all the wrong that he had done in the 3 years we were together and how I knew about all the infidelities. I’m a writer, so expressing myself in this vessel is a way for me to heal. That evening I was planning on breaking up with him and giving him the letter to read to have closure. I went over to his place and brought over the letter and handed it to him and told him it was over and that I knew he cheated and that what the stranger told me was the truth. He denied it again and took the paper and went straight to the garbage bin to dispose of it. He didn’t even give it a glance and that was so disrespectful. I ran back and asked him why he did that and he ended up stealing my attention to talk about how he actually really did want to break up since we weren’t getting along and it was his senior year and he needed to focus on his bio degree..basically giving his excuses as to why he wanted to end the relationship and really blew me away because it was all excuses but I felt rejection in that moment and that hurt my ego when this was really supposed to end because he cheated on me. We split up for 6 months.
At first I was depressed for a while.. I got so depressed that I became physically ill for a month and doctors didn’t know why I was sick for that long. I believe heartbreak caused that physical manifestation. As the months went by I started accepting it then seeing it was for the better. That month of December 2016 I went to Brasil for a month to visit my family. I had the time of my life going to the beach and doing touristy things; it helped me heal. I felt and told people I was done with him. Then in January he came crawling back to hang out. I rejected it at first then agreed and we started by watching a movie and smoking together. I hadn’t smoked in 6 weeks and my numbness went away and clarity had come back. I started feeling all the emotions again but I started smoking with him and that numbness came back. I honestly wish I wouldn’t have smoked again because it ruined my judgment and the hard work it took to heal. I should never have let him back into my life. After hanging out once he apologized for “leaving me alone all this time” and “abandoning me”. I forgave him and chose to get back together. I honestly thought he was sorry and that he realized what he had lost. Months passed and I was still living with my friend but he was always at my apartment. We got close again and we were both still in school. His plan was to graduate in August and then move back with his family in Miami. I was so upset by this that I wanted him to stay and I told him that. Since he took a while to decide his situation my roommate and her bf and friend who was living with my bf decided to all sign a lease together since my bf was undecided and they needed a place to live. He finally decided that he wanted to stay with me in Tallahassee and so we had to sign a lease together since I had no one else to live with on such short notice.
It was September of 2017 when he moved in. I was very happy at the time and wanted to make the place very cozy. That very next month he had a month long trip to Europe with his family that he went to and left me alone in the apt with my thoughts. I kept thinking.. if he did it once in the Bahamas.. he would do it again in Europe.. Then I would justify it by saying no, no he’s changed. He realized he can’t do that and keep me. But did he? In December I was again seeing my family for a month since at the time they moved to Brasil and was living there for a few years to renovate their home and sell it. I had spent a whole year without seeing my family and I missed them dearly. My bf and I texted the whole time and we were okay. We told each other we missed each other and one day he was silent for hours. Then he replied to me and was very extra about his feelings and how he missed me and I just felt that something was wrong. When I came back he love bombed me and looking back he was very extra with trying to be affectionate to deter me from thinking anything could possibly have happened while I was away. Two months later I stopped smoking to do a class during spring break since I thought I would be drug tested and I became very annoyed easily. He didn’t understand my withdrawal symptoms and reacted harshly as well. I went to check his phone one very day and say some random texts and Facebook messages from girls that didn’t make sense. It was from December while I was away and I just automatically accused him of doing something wrong. He had an explanation for everything and I believed him because I had no proof. Based on his explanations it was all rational. That month we got a letter from our building saying they needed to renovate and move us to another location in the complex, thus resigning another year lease. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do so I signed the lease because I needed a place to stay.
That very month we moved in, I graduated and we went to visit his parents and buy furniture at ikea for our new place. I was so happy at the time. We were in a good place, we were starting an online business, had great ideas flowing, etc. Then one day his phone lit up. I went to check and some number had texted him saying she couldn’t wait to see him on Monday. And he said he couldn’t either. I was so caught off guard because we had just purchased things for our new place and I thought we were okay! I was leaving that weekend to go back and start decorating while he spent more time with him family. It started to make more sense that maybe he was seeing this person while I was away.. I didn’t say anything and that night I messaged the number. I asked her who she was and she said she was a sex worker. At that moment my heart was racing uncontrollably. I didn’t want to know more. We were just okay... we were building a business... no it couldn’t be. I confronted him about it and he said it was an old friend who messaged him and not the person claiming to be a sex worker. I believed him because he had such a serious explanation for it that I fell for the lies. And I wanted the business to move forward.
That summer we spent building the business and website to launch at the end of the summer. Then he went to New York with his family in June for a quick trip and then back to Miami. He then claimed his friends invited him to go to Bahamas out of the blue and told me it was last minute and that he couldn’t refuse a free trip. I was livid. I knew the risk of him cheating and I was sure he would if he went out with his friends. He still went despite me saying I didn’t feel comfortable or like the idea. I then noticed he added someone on Instagram that was from Chicago and she had her Snapchat on her page listed so I decided to follow. I sneakily added her and decided to ask if she knew him. She said yes and that he had just requested her on tinder that day. I blew up on him. He defended himself and rejected it of course but I knew this wasn’t a lie. That was when he started gaslighting me and saying it was all in my head. He didn’t talk to me many nights and I just focused all my energy on building the website. He had an excuse when he got back and I “forgave” him because now we had a business to move forward and money was invested. We were starting a clothing brand together and I wanted it to be successful I was willing to put my own reality on the back burner. What a huge mistake.
The months passed and we got heavily invested, spending hours a day on the business and working a serving job. We were in a good place and happy it seemed. But then in September I noticed him getting close to a family friend and she would randomly call him. One time she called to let him know about some good dog food brands and wanted to talk on the phone about it.. he put her on speaker I guess to try to justify it and show me nothing was going on.. I kept making side marks like why is she asking that? Why does she care? Wtf? And he got so mad he knocked my phone out of my hand and it hit my cheek to the point of causing a bruise. There was no reason for him to knock my phone out. He was talking to her through his phone and I was just holding my phone. He still to this day says it was my fault for being nosy and it’s not his fault the phone hit me.. does that even make sense? We had a trip scheduled with his parents the next week to Tennessee and I went and put on a front like everything was okay. I still had a bruise and I covered it up with makeup. I remember one night his friend was hanging out with us there in the cabins and he said the one important thing to be is honest. It’s so important to be honest with each other. I said yeah it really is and in my mind I thought that he would take the hint or if he had something to say that would be his opportunity to confess. But no. It didn’t phase him.
The emotional abuse continued along with the questioning of my judgment and why I didn’t trust him. He would kick open bathroom doors while I wanted privacy just to “discuss” things on why I had such insecurities or couldn’t trust him. He wanted to ingrain in my mind that I had no reason to doubt him. He would corner me along the kitchen as well to get me to “talk” and not let me pass because we had to discuss things.. pulling me back to the same spot to listen to him..after a while I realized it was some sort of abuse and definitely emotional abuse. Then in December I found a bunch of texted between him and his coworker showing off his designer wallets and things, saying how now she has a reason to “fuck him” and a bunch of other nonsense. I went off. I saw the exchange happened at 4 am.. that was when I was sleeping after staying up late working on OUR business. I knew at that point he would never change and I was wasting my time building something with the wrong person. I kept that bottled up. I didn’t talk to him for days and just became angry. He knew something was wrong and finally asked me and I said you can guess.. you know why I’m mad. He said he didn’t and I still wouldn’t say anything. He then smashed his beer mug onto the counter and it went a million pieces. Then he quickly got up and put both hands on my chair and got really close and screamed TELL ME! At that moment I fell on my back together with him and he grabbed my head and squeezed it and yelled tell me! Since I was so afraid of him at that point i screamed the girls name and got up and then waited for his reaction. Of course he said he didn’t mean it literally he was just playing around and I said that’s so disrespectful especially when I show my face at the restaurant at times to say hi or eat. He didn’t seem like it bothered him at all. He just brushed it off like he does with everything that hurts me. He makes it seem small so that I forget about it too.
submitted by ThrowRA_25_ to abusiverelationships [link] [comments]


2020.07.27 03:12 ThrowRA_25_ 7 years in a relationship/situation with a narcissistic selfish man. PART 1

My life has turned into a never ending nightmare of a soap opera. This is my first time posting on reddit but I really need advice and to hear other people’s point of views regarding my situation. To start, I am a 25 year old female, and my ex is a 25 year old male. We started dating the last year of high school and the 6 years we were together have been quite the rollercoaster. I do want to say that I was in love with this person since he was my first love and because of that I think that is why I endured so much heartache throughout the years. I was a naive 17 year old girl who just wanted to be loved and understood. I wanted to make it work no matter what.
We started dating in March of 2013, 5 months before I was going away for college ( I know.. silly) I gave him a chance on a date since he had been asking for so long and I thought why not... I ended up falling head over heels quickly, especially since this was my first love, and I had never experienced affection before from anyone intimately. I had never been on a date before and with him I discovered places I had never been to since my parents would never really go anywhere. I became very attached to this person since he was my first love and the one I lost my virginity to..Fast forward to June when we had Prom, things went downhill. He broke up with me the morning after. His reason was that I was “ungrateful” for the hotel room he got us since I apparently complained about sharing the room with his best friend but he never told me he was splitting costs or that he would like it if I would pitch in some money. Eventually I found out that he was planning since April to break up with me and used that as an excuse. That morning he threw my bags in front of my house, kicked me out of the car and said it was over. I spent the whole day laying down on my bed in shock and trying to convince him to be with me.. looking back now I wish I had stopped myself and stopped all contact. I wish I had self respect, but I was young and naive and blind in love to what was happening.
Two weeks later we started talking again and we would meet up randomly to hang out or to be intimate and never defined what we were. At the time he was heavily involved in taking drugs at every concert and I was the one trying to get him to stop. Then August came and a week before I was moving we had a party at a friends house and he got so drunk that he passed out on a lawn chair. His friend and I then decided to go through his phone since he said I should probably check it, and I found so many girls that he was talking to including his friends girl that he was actually seeing and cheating with. I was so heart broken but I blamed myself for not defining things and being in a relationship with him. I thought if I was in one, he wouldn’t do this. And so that week I told him either I leave for college in a relationship with you or it’s over. And he agreed to put a title and that was that. Another stupid, stupid mistake. I went to college in a relationship. I was faithful to him. That’s something I’m very proud of because to this day I can say I have never cheated or wanted to despite all the infidelity on his part. We maintained a long distance relationship where we would see each other every 3-4 weeks either he would visit me or vice versa. He was planning on moving up that January, 5 months after I had moved to Tallahassee for school. He wanted to go to school up here and start a life here with me. Later on I would find out that was only an excuse and he was not done with his childish ways. The same week he was supposed to come up to look for apartments I received an anonymous message sending me screenshots of an explicit convo he had with an old friend of mine. Let’s just say I was furious and wanted to cut ties but he drove up that same day and made amends with me somehow convinced me that he was moving for me and to start over. Months would go by and I would start finding texts between him and other girls that completely broke my heart. I would get mad and he would in turn get mad at me for looking through this things and breaching his privacy. He then would say I’m just making things into something bigger than they were and that why would he do this if he had moved up here for me? He would get mad I would bring things up and randomly at 3 am would tell me to go home when there was no way for me to get back safely. I’d have to park my car far from the dorm and walk and he didn’t care. Now I understand that if you have to go through someone’s phone, the relationship is already over, but at that time I didn’t. He would blame me and distance himself then come back and make amends. I’d say 4-5 months after he moved to Tallahassee I started experimenting with smoking marijuana with him. At first it was occasional but then as time went on I used it as a way of forgetting my problems and feeling good when in fact I was very depressed over all the betrayal I would constantly find out about. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now looking back I do. During that summer he even convinced me to try LSD and I did it to try to connect to him and figure out the root problem of his betrayals. The first night I tried it I had to drive home and he let me go while I was still tripping and all the lights were coming at me. I had a 5 min drive home so I thought I could make it. I wasn’t thinking clearly and realize now I could have died or killed someone. I ended up doing it 4 times that summer and never again. It only made me feel all the pain I went through and then when I thought he was fine and we had been raw in our emotions, I would see more messages on his phone pop up. Then September 2014 came and my best friend came up to college to get an apartment with me. We hung out for weeks while she was visiting and seeing places, and then one day when I got back from work she told me that my boyfriend had messaged her about how he basically wanted to be “fuck buddies” with her and how he did want to be with me in the future, but he wanted to have sex with other people as well and since her bf was away, that she might agree to this. She was disgusted by this. She told me right away and I was broken. I remember coming back to his apartment that day and he had cooked and did everything right and looked on edge but I didn’t have the guts to say anything. Finally I did and we took a break. A break that deep down I didn’t want since I was in love with him and I just drowned my sorrows into smoking more and forgetting my problems. 2 weeks later somehow he convinced me he was worthy of yet another chance. Things got so awkward between my friend and I that we grew apart and never ended up getting an apartment together. We would still hang out but since I chose to stay with him, things weren’t the same.
The months passed and he started talking to another girl and another.. unfortunately I recognize now that I was so blind by this unconditional love I had that I missed the red flags and blatant disrespect that happened right in my face. We would be “good” for months then I would check his phone and see something disappointing that would break me. One of the biggest disappointments was when I got sick with bile reflux and a hiatal hernia (which I now believe was due to smoking so much and eating so much at a time that I tore something inside of me..) the nausea and acid reflux got to bad I would be throwing up daily and using marijuana now more than ever to “cure me”. I went to countless doctors and focused on trying to find out what was happening to my body; I quit checking his phone and worrying about him. I was trying to survive. I threw up daily and needed to smoke to get rid of the nausea but then all the smoking was causing it to get worse. I had 2 surgeries that year. I got rid of my tonsils and adenoids since they were swollen and I thought the problem would be solved. It wasn’t. Then months later I got an endoscopy to see inside and they still saw bile and the hernia. I was put on medication but I still needed to smoke to be able to eat and not be nauseous. It only made it worse and made me numb to my feelings in my personal life as well.
That year I got sick he started working more and he would get home late. He then started staying out until 3 am at the Friday’s restaurant/bar with work friends, and even took me once so I would know where he was at.. but the weeks passed and every weekend 1-2 days out of the week he would stay til 3 am with work friends. Eventually March of 2016 he wanted to take a break since he felt like some things weren’t right. He didn’t give much of an explanation but months later I would find out about a text conversation between him and this girl Julia where she said he should go on a break with her gf again... meaning he had cheated during his random March break. I was so hurt but I didn’t say anything that time. Internally, it was over but I just couldn’t bring myself to end it. By that summer we were both moving out of our apartments since we both lived in separate places with random assigned student living. We both went to live with our friends, and I had even suggested at that time that we move in together but he denied the idea. That summer he also went on a 2 week cruise with his family around Bahamas and the islands. I spent time with my family and when he returned I just felt like something was off since he was trying to love bomb me. We had a hurricane happen and we lost power for 8 days in Tallahassee and had to struggle together to get though since we chose to quarantine in his apartment for the storm. We chose his place due to the ability to connect a charger to the car through the window and connect appliances since he was on the first floor. The day we got power back I checked my Instagram and noticed there was a DM from a week or so ago from a random girl saying she had slept with my bf during the cruise trip and that she was sorry and thought he was single since that is what he had told her. I was so angry at the time. I remember reading that when I was still in his apt and I screamed out in the living room where he and everyone was about how much a cheater and a horrible person he was and what he had done. He started denying it and being very calm about everything even laughing under his breathe to make me look insane and acting like it didn’t phase him- he didn’t care. I was screaming and calling him all the names and he just kept saying she was actually now obsessed with him and he didn’t pay her attention at the cruise. But why would someone who lives in Canada reach out to me to let me know what happened? She could have just ignored it but she felt it was right to tell me and I respect her for her honesty. I went home that day and wrote a 4 page letter to him of all the wrong that he had done in the 3 years we were together and how I knew about all the infidelities. I’m a writer, so expressing myself in this vessel is a way for me to heal. That evening I was planning on breaking up with him and giving him the letter to read to have closure. I went over to his place and brought over the letter and handed it to him and told him it was over and that I knew he cheated and that what the stranger told me was the truth. He denied it again and took the paper and went straight to the garbage bin to dispose of it. He didn’t even give it a glance and that was so disrespectful. I ran back and asked him why he did that and he ended up stealing my attention to talk about how he actually really did want to break up since we weren’t getting along and it was his senior year and he needed to focus on his bio degree..basically giving his excuses as to why he wanted to end the relationship and really blew me away because it was all excuses but I felt rejection in that moment and that hurt my ego when this was really supposed to end because he cheated on me. We split up for 6 months.
At first I was depressed for a while.. I got so depressed that I became physically ill for a month and doctors didn’t know why I was sick for that long. I believe heartbreak caused that physical manifestation. As the months went by I started accepting it then seeing it was for the better. That month of December 2016 I went to Brasil for a month to visit my family. I had the time of my life going to the beach and doing touristy things; it helped me heal. I felt and told people I was done with him. Then in January he came crawling back to hang out. I rejected it at first then agreed and we started by watching a movie and smoking together. I hadn’t smoked in 6 weeks and my numbness went away and clarity had come back. I started feeling all the emotions again but I started smoking with him and that numbness came back. I honestly wish I wouldn’t have smoked again because it ruined my judgment and the hard work it took to heal. I should never have let him back into my life. After hanging out once he apologized for “leaving me alone all this time” and “abandoning me”. I forgave him and chose to get back together. I honestly thought he was sorry and that he realized what he had lost. Months passed and I was still living with my friend but he was always at my apartment. We got close again and we were both still in school. His plan was to graduate in August and then move back with his family in Miami. I was so upset by this that I wanted him to stay and I told him that. Since he took a while to decide his situation my roommate and her bf and friend who was living with my bf decided to all sign a lease together since my bf was undecided and they needed a place to live. He finally decided that he wanted to stay with me in Tallahassee and so we had to sign a lease together since I had no one else to live with on such short notice.
It was September of 2017 when he moved in. I was very happy at the time and wanted to make the place very cozy. That very next month he had a month long trip to Europe with his family that he went to and left me alone in the apt with my thoughts. I kept thinking.. if he did it once in the Bahamas.. he would do it again in Europe.. Then I would justify it by saying no, no he’s changed. He realized he can’t do that and keep me. But did he? In December I was again seeing my family for a month since at the time they moved to Brasil and was living there for a few years to renovate their home and sell it. I had spent a whole year without seeing my family and I missed them dearly. My bf and I texted the whole time and we were okay. We told each other we missed each other and one day he was silent for hours. Then he replied to me and was very extra about his feelings and how he missed me and I just felt that something was wrong. When I came back he love bombed me and looking back he was very extra with trying to be affectionate to deter me from thinking anything could possibly have happened while I was away. Two months later I stopped smoking to do a class during spring break since I thought I would be drug tested and I became very annoyed easily. He didn’t understand my withdrawal symptoms and reacted harshly as well. I went to check his phone one very day and say some random texts and Facebook messages from girls that didn’t make sense. It was from December while I was away and I just automatically accused him of doing something wrong. He had an explanation for everything and I believed him because I had no proof. Based on his explanations it was all rational. That month we got a letter from our building saying they needed to renovate and move us to another location in the complex, thus resigning another year lease. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do so I signed the lease because I needed a place to stay.
That very month we moved in, I graduated and we went to visit his parents and buy furniture at ikea for our new place. I was so happy at the time. We were in a good place, we were starting an online business, had great ideas flowing, etc. Then one day his phone lit up. I went to check and some number had texted him saying she couldn’t wait to see him on Monday. And he said he couldn’t either. I was so caught off guard because we had just purchased things for our new place and I thought we were okay! I was leaving that weekend to go back and start decorating while he spent more time with him family. It started to make more sense that maybe he was seeing this person while I was away.. I didn’t say anything and that night I messaged the number. I asked her who she was and she said she was a sex worker. At that moment my heart was racing uncontrollably. I didn’t want to know more. We were just okay... we were building a business... no it couldn’t be. I confronted him about it and he said it was an old friend who messaged him and not the person claiming to be a sex worker. I believed him because he had such a serious explanation for it that I fell for the lies. And I wanted the business to move forward.
That summer we spent building the business and website to launch at the end of the summer. Then he went to New York with his family in June for a quick trip and then back to Miami. He then claimed his friends invited him to go to Bahamas out of the blue and told me it was last minute and that he couldn’t refuse a free trip. I was livid. I knew the risk of him cheating and I was sure he would if he went out with his friends. He still went despite me saying I didn’t feel comfortable or like the idea. I then noticed he added someone on Instagram that was from Chicago and she had her Snapchat on her page listed so I decided to follow. I sneakily added her and decided to ask if she knew him. She said yes and that he had just requested her on tinder that day. I blew up on him. He defended himself and rejected it of course but I knew this wasn’t a lie. That was when he started gaslighting me and saying it was all in my head. He didn’t talk to me many nights and I just focused all my energy on building the website. He had an excuse when he got back and I “forgave” him because now we had a business to move forward and money was invested. We were starting a clothing brand together and I wanted it to be successful I was willing to put my own reality on the back burner. What a huge mistake.
The months passed and we got heavily invested, spending hours a day on the business and working a serving job. We were in a good place and happy it seemed. But then in September I noticed him getting close to a family friend and she would randomly call him. One time she called to let him know about some good dog food brands and wanted to talk on the phone about it.. he put her on speaker I guess to try to justify it and show me nothing was going on.. I kept making side marks like why is she asking that? Why does she care? Wtf? And he got so mad he knocked my phone out of my hand and it hit my cheek to the point of causing a bruise. There was no reason for him to knock my phone out. He was talking to her through his phone and I was just holding my phone. He still to this day says it was my fault for being nosy and it’s not his fault the phone hit me.. does that even make sense? We had a trip scheduled with his parents the next week to Tennessee and I went and put on a front like everything was okay. I still had a bruise and I covered it up with makeup. I remember one night his friend was hanging out with us there in the cabins and he said the one important thing to be is honest. It’s so important to be honest with each other. I said yeah it really is and in my mind I thought that he would take the hint or if he had something to say that would be his opportunity to confess. But no. It didn’t phase him.
The emotional abuse continued along with the questioning of my judgment and why I didn’t trust him. He would kick open bathroom doors while I wanted privacy just to “discuss” things on why I had such insecurities or couldn’t trust him. He wanted to ingrain in my mind that I had no reason to doubt him. He would corner me along the kitchen as well to get me to “talk” and not let me pass because we had to discuss things.. pulling me back to the same spot to listen to him..after a while I realized it was some sort of abuse and definitely emotional abuse. Then in December I found a bunch of texted between him and his coworker showing off his designer wallets and things, saying how now she has a reason to “fuck him” and a bunch of other nonsense. I went off. I saw the exchange happened at 4 am.. that was when I was sleeping after staying up late working on OUR business. I knew at that point he would never change and I was wasting my time building something with the wrong person. I kept that bottled up. I didn’t talk to him for days and just became angry. He knew something was wrong and finally asked me and I said you can guess.. you know why I’m mad. He said he didn’t and I still wouldn’t say anything. He then smashed his beer mug onto the counter and it went a million pieces. Then he quickly got up and put both hands on my chair and got really close and screamed TELL ME! At that moment I fell on my back together with him and he grabbed my head and squeezed it and yelled tell me! Since I was so afraid of him at that point i screamed the girls name and got up and then waited for his reaction. Of course he said he didn’t mean it literally he was just playing around and I said that’s so disrespectful especially when I show my face at the restaurant at times to say hi or eat. He didn’t seem like it bothered him at all. He just brushed it off like he does with everything that hurts me. He makes it seem small so that I forget about it too.
(Part 2 is available too.. I couldn’t post it all together in one text due to word count)
submitted by ThrowRA_25_ to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.25 02:05 KingCodyyt Looking for new friends

Yo, I just moved here 3 weeks ago from chicago area, but since COVID im having a hard time meeting new people. Im a 19 year old male musician (retro nicotine on all platforms btw) and deadass just looking for people around here to be friends with lol. I live in north miami beach by the way!
Hit me up on instagram @ retronicotine
submitted by KingCodyyt to Miami [link] [comments]


2020.07.14 06:07 Studio10eleven Suspected ‘gang member’ arrested in South Beach after detectives follow Instagram posts - WSVN 7News Miami News, Weather, Sports Fort Lauderdale

Suspected ‘gang member’ arrested in South Beach after detectives follow Instagram posts - WSVN 7News Miami News, Weather, Sports Fort Lauderdale submitted by Studio10eleven to ArrestsWeb [link] [comments]


2020.07.12 23:02 ginabeebear Please help me stop a famous shark hunter who profits from fear mongering and killing hammerheads

Miami local and internet personality marktheshark is using his charter boat business to unnecessarily "cull" sharks and spread anti-shark fear mongering. The self-proclaimed "shark hunter" and "#1 fishing adventure in Miami" has 170k followers on instagram where he uses slogans like "tourist lives matter" and "keeping the beach safe" in his captions under photos of dead sharks. This is harmful for us and for our oceans for various reasons.
  1. Sharks are vital apex predators. Without their presence, fish populations would exhaust their food supplies and overwhelm the local ecosystem. There is evidence suggesting that the absence of sharks has a negative effect on coral reefs. Coral reefs are under tremendous pressure from warming oceans as it is. Additionally, our vibrant coastal fish communities and coral reefs draw in tourists, and we must preserve them for future generations.
  2. He often posts pictures of dead hammerhead sharks. According to the International Shark Attack File, humans have been subject to 17 documented, unprovoked attacks by hammerhead sharks since 1580 AD. No human fatalities have been recorded. There is no need to cull these crucial predators when they are extremely unlikely to hurt any swimmers. On the contrary, their presence attracts diving enthusiasts.
  3. He is using fear mongering to justify his actions. Sharks are not as dangerous as Hollywood would have you believe. While movies like “Jaws” are fun to watch, they have ignited anti-shark sentiment and fears that lead to the destruction of these critical predators. The number of yearly shark attacks simply does not back up the notion that these integral animals are a meaningful threat. Waters are not "shark infested," that is simply where sharks live.
  4. Not only that, but he is spreading misinformation and hate towards sharks. He even has fan pages on Instagram dedicated to glorifying his practices. These fans call sharks “numskulls” and complain of “too many sharks.” There is no reason for this witch-hunt but his business glorifies it.
  5. He is profiting off of their destruction. Although he claims to donate the shark meat to feed to homeless, he is nonetheless charging people for “Instagram’s #1 most exciting charter boat.” He takes tourists on these witch-hunts and takes photos as trophies. To add insult to injury, he frequently photographs dead sharks next to bikini-clad women, further glorifying his killing.
While many efforts have been made to appeal to his sense of decency, he continues his destructive behavior. Reporting him to authorities has not resulted in any meaningful change. We cannot allow one man’s egotistical monster-hunter fantasy to wreak havoc on our coastal waters and on the minds of our citizens. I am writing this petition to urge my local leaders to put an end to this baseless witch-hunt. I want my children to enjoy the same oceans I love and I want your children and their children to enjoy them too. Thank you for taking the time to read my petition.
https://www.change.org/stopmarktheshark
Edit: I am trying to draw attention to the issue and put pressure on his business. He's been getting reported for years but they can't nail him down for anything. I have enough reason to suspect that he has broken the law in a few incidents, so I'm also calling for an investigation. I know that other businesses have tanked as a result of bad press and I'm hoping that the timing is right and people care and he loses business. I know it's an uphill battle and I know he's operating within a legal loophole. That's why I had to look at alternatives to reporting him. Basically I'm trying to educate as many people as I can about this because with no customers he has no business. I also want FWC to do something about the harm his misinformation is causing, that's why I addressed the petition to them.
submitted by ginabeebear to marinebiology [link] [comments]


2020.07.12 21:16 ginabeebear Self-proclaimed "monster hunter" culls endangered sharks and fear-mongers for profit

Miami local and internet personality marktheshark is using his charter boat business to unnecessarily "cull" sharks and spread anti-shark fear mongering. The self-proclaimed "shark hunter" and "#1 fishing adventure in Miami" has 170k followers on instagram where he uses slogans like "tourist lives matter" and "keeping the beach safe" in his captions under photos of dead sharks. This is harmful for us and for our oceans for various reasons.
  1. Sharks are vital apex predators. Without their presence, fish populations would exhaust their food supplies and overwhelm the local ecosystem. There is evidence suggesting that the absence of sharks has a negative effect on coral reefs. Coral reefs are under tremendous pressure from warming oceans as it is. Additionally, our vibrant coastal fish communities and coral reefs draw in tourists, and we must preserve them for future generations.
  2. He often posts pictures of dead hammerhead sharks. According to the International Shark Attack File, humans have been subject to 17 documented, unprovoked attacks by hammerhead sharks since 1580 AD. No human fatalities have been recorded. There is no need to cull these crucial predators when they are extremely unlikely to hurt any swimmers. On the contrary, their presence attracts diving enthusiasts.
  3. He is using fear mongering to justify his actions. Sharks are not as dangerous as Hollywood would have you believe. While movies like “Jaws” are fun to watch, they have ignited anti-shark sentiment and fears that lead to the destruction of these critical predators. The number of yearly shark attacks simply does not back up the notion that these integral animals are a meaningful threat. Waters are not "shark infested," that is simply where sharks live.
  4. Not only that, but he is spreading misinformation and hate towards sharks. He even has fan pages on Instagram dedicated to glorifying his practices. These fans call sharks “numskulls” and complain of “too many sharks.” There is no reason for this witch-hunt but his business glorifies it.
  5. He is profiting off of their destruction. Although he claims to donate the shark meat to feed to homeless, he is nonetheless charging people for “Instagram’s #1 most exciting charter boat.” He takes tourists on these witch-hunts and takes photos as trophies. To add insult to injury, he frequently photographs dead sharks next to bikini-clad women, further glorifying his killing.
While many efforts have been made to appeal to his sense of decency, he continues his destructive behavior. Reporting him to authorities has not resulted in any meaningful change. We cannot allow one man’s egotistical monster-hunter fantasy to wreak havoc on our coastal waters and on the minds of our citizens. I am writing this petition to urge my local leaders to put an end to this baseless witch-hunt. I want my children to enjoy the same oceans I love and I want your children and their children to enjoy them too. Thank you for taking the time to read my petition.
https://www.change.org/stopmarktheshark
Edit: I am trying to draw attention to the issue and put pressure on his business. He's been getting reported for years but they can't nail him down for anything. I have enough reason to suspect that he has broken the law in a few incidents, so I'm also calling for an investigation. I know that other businesses have tanked as a result of bad press and I'm hoping that the timing is right and people care and he loses business. I know it's an uphill battle and I know he's operating within a legal loophole. That's why I had to look at alternatives to reporting him. Basically I'm trying to educate as many people as I can about this because with no customers he has no business. I also want FWC to do something about the harm his misinformation is causing, that's why I addressed the petition to them.
submitted by ginabeebear to conservation [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 07:13 KillerSpaceBunny Who Here Went To 2nd Nature in Utah or Oregon? Reviews Are of Course Terrible. Here Are Just A Few I Found On Yelp!

Second Nature
Christen V.
Northborough, MA
4/15/2020
“Child abuse child abuse child abuse that's all this place is about I can't tell you how many counselors should be put in jail for child abuse this place is terrible children should never be kidnapped this place should be shut down Did you send your kids here they will be permanently traumatized for the rest of their lives and never trust you again I did have a first-hand experience.”
Allie F.
Bloomington, IN
8/17/2019
Updated review
“I haven't been on Yelp in a long time and saw the response from Andrea. Well, there is another program called "Second Nature Entrada Wilderness Therapy Program" that is also located in Utah. These two organizations have the SAME logo. I'm certain they are affiliated.
Anyone considering attending this program should really do their research.
Here is a link that provides information about how shady these programs are. It also includes investigations completed by the Government Accountability Office.
astart.fmhi.usf.edu
I want to emphasize that wilderness therapy programs are COMPLETELY UNREGULATED. It has been shown that the "educational consultants" and "after-care" programs get kickbacks for referrals.
Again, please message me if you'd like to hear more about my experience. I will be checking my account.
I'm very fortunate that I'm healthy, have a loving family, and am educated. Many people who participate in this program are not as fortunate and are therefore less likely to talk about their experiences.
4/14/2016Previous review
I had a horrible experience in this program. The reason I decided to go is that I had gone through a traumatic experience and I started seeing a therapist who recommended it.
I was expecting to feel supported and get to know the staff and other people in the program. Instead I was treated like a criminal even though I've never done drugs or broken the law.
The staff you interact with on a daily basis are not trained therapists. They were often emotionally abusive. I was told that if I left the program early my parents wouldn't want me back. I have a very close relationship with my family and knew that was bull****. At the time I was on disability at my first job out of college and had moved back home.
We were often bullied and treated with disrespect. We hiked in over 100 degree weather most days . I was on a lot of anti anxieties bc I would get panic attacks which made me extremely tired. Sometimes when I needed a break from hiking (which btw i love hiking and used to do that most weekends before I was mentally I'll) I was told I was lazy and that I could not take a break.
During most of the program I was not allowed to talk to my parents. The therapist kept telling them I needed to stay longer. Btw they charge something like $5,000 per week which isn't cheap so they have a strong incentive to make you stay longer.
Finally in order to leave the program I would just flat out lie to the staff and say everything they wanted to hear. When I finally was allowed to go home my parents were very upset and I was very depressed for months. When I was finally able to communicate with my parents during the program I was terrified to tell them about what the program was like. The therapist was on the phone line and told me what I needed to tell my parents if I wanted to leave any time soon.
I'm happy to say that now I'm doing very well . I'm a full time grad student and work 20 hours a week at a university. If anyone wants to talk to me about my experience I welcome it and am more than happy to answer questions.
Of course this is only my experience and I know there are ppl who benefit from it. If your kid has serious behavioral problems or addicted to drugs they might benefit. If your kid is feeling depressed or anxious I wouldn't recommend it. It could make their problems worse.”
Kate B.
San Rafael, CA
1/26/2019
“Parents: probably good to read some kids reviews as you'll have very little insight into the day-to-day at 2N...
I attended second nature from September-December 2007 when I was 15. Few things after reading some reviews: - I will always hold a very special place in my heart for some of the field staff there. Emily R, Erin, and I think his name was Dan. You don't build much of a connection with the therapist that comes out once a week, so you keep your fingers crossed you get good field staff. - I can verify that I was blindfolded when being transported from the mountains to the high desert when we relocated for winter weather. No big deal, they don't want us running away. - The food was terrible when I was there. I gained about 10 unnecessary pounds from eating all carbs and fat, with very scarce opportunities for animal protein. I remember we had "meat Friday's" which was a gallon freezer bag of mystery meatballs for us to share. We had oatmeal for breakfast every morning, tortillas and peanut butter for lunch, and the famous dehydrated beans and rice for dinner. - Society is different now. Kids don't play outside, they're on their phones. We were sent out on "solos" pretty soon after I arrived which I was NOT prepared for. You have a campsite alone in the woods, with absolutely no one else around. You have your notebook and any books your therapist gives you and that's it...for several days. This was before smart phones and Instagram and I was still uncomfortable beyond belief. I did not have the coping skills or self love to be able to be on my own without any distractions so soon into my stay, which made the experience fairly traumatic for me. - I hiked 11 miles in a snow storm carrying an ~80lb pack with two ingrown toenails that I ended up having to get surgically removed. Did this make me tough? Hell yeah it did. Did it make me stop breaking rules, lying to my parents, and manipulating my way through life? Nope. I did 2 years at boarding school after this which is where the real progress happened.
I'm almost 27 now and have been very successful in my life. 3 stars because second nature taught me to work hard, don't complain, and that things can ALWAYS be worse. Star deductions because it was pretty shitty at times, and if I was put in the position I would not send my child here to learn those lessons.”
📷
Connor N.📷
7/25/2016
“Don't buy into the positive reviews, this place is terrible. You are a monster if you go through with sending a child there. What this place does to people is comparable to rape or molestation in the shame and how it outcasts you permanently from ever really feeling back at home again. When you are out there, the staff have no problem letting you know this is a business and that they are using the willingness and trust of confused and frustrated parents with money, and feeding you into an expensive system where therapists and professionals convince the parents that their child needs expensive boarding school, or other "after-care" programs. I was there summer of 2010 Group4 and I wish this never happened to me. Never have your child kidnapped people. That's what mine did. That's what this program may have you do, many in my group did. They had two huge Richmond gangster African American men burst into my room at 4am and drag me out of my room, threatening to handcuff me if I resisted at all. Others in my group had been beaten bloody by their "escort service" for resisting. Do not listen to the positive reviews. Maybe for a few this might work, but this has made my life hell in unimaginable ways. I'll never forgive my parents for what they put me through with this, and I wish I could organize a joint lawsuit and get together with former "clients" and sue the hell out of this place for the damage they have caused us. You are a monster if you send your kid here. Don't buy into the recommendations of professionals. This is not how you should treat any sort of problem. You are sending your child to a marching internment camp where they could be eaten by a bear because someone else brought food in their pack to bed. Which there aren't tents here people. Just a boat tarp you string up with paracord, so rats run over you in the night, mosquitos swarm you in the hundreds, so loud their buzzing is what wakes you in the morning. Where if you don't make a fire with sticks successfully, you can't sit by the group fire or eat group food, forced to eat cold tuna envelopes while everyone else eats. Where they make you walk miles without water on "dehydration hikes". Where staff members taunt you that you aren't going home and that the therapist will convince your parents to send you to a boarding school. I was just a kid with depression who smoked some weed. A psychologist and his recommended "educational consultant" convinced my parents to have me kidnapped the day after I finished my school year and spend my 16th birthday and the next 3 months in the custodial care of this abomination of a program. Please. I beg of you. For your child's sake don't go down this road if you care anything about having any what of a normal relationship with your child. I can answer more questions if you'd like.”
Sim G.
New York, NY
2/19/2014
“Worst place in the universe. The staff are almost abusive and the program is terrible. I would not recommend this for anyone. It s nothing more than a business, and the place should be shut down. The only reason I'm writing this review, is so no one else will make the same mistake I made, which was to go. I only hope the viewer of this will weigh their options heavily before even thinking about this place.”
Roxanne B.
Los Angeles, CA
📷4/16/2015
“I highly doubt that anyone researching programs will look here.. on Yelp, but I would be remiss not to warn parents and families at every turn of this abusive program. Second Nature makes fantastical claims of it's success rates, safety, and the qualifications of its staff but a little intensive research yields the truth: Second Nature programs are no more effective, and absolutely no different than programs like Utah's now-closed North Star Expeditions/Challenger Foundation. In fact, wilderness programs and boot camp-style "tough love" treatments have zero peer-reviewed studies which show they are effective. I am 100% fo' serious (research it!). I am a former camper, and I ended up swept through the system, and away from home for a bit more than two years. Second Nature refused me my inhaler while hiking despite the fact that I have had documented athsma my entire life (claiming that although I take asthma medication, that I was "lying" about my condition). 2N also espouses isolation as a successful form of therapy (most campers will spend 6-7 days on "Solo," not a single person in sight, completely alone with no idea where staff is located). Please read any literature related to the recent Kelief Browder tragedy if you're curious about whether or not isolation/solitary confinement is an effect form of treatment. 2N Counselors (who hold no degrees, certification, and are often 20-somethings with sleeves or tattoos and no career aspirations) were often incredibly cruel, telling a sick campmate of mine that she was "disgusting," or calling young girls brats, fools, manipulative liars if they were sick, "idiots" and more. Worst of all, the program is recklessly-run and thus, dangerous. Our group was lost one afternoon with no water and no food, and 1 of my fellow campers fainted from dehydration.
  1. Any program that monitors, censors, or severely limits the contact you have with your child raises a big fat red flag. Your child should be able to have unmonitored contact with you, in the case that they are being mistreated or are in danger. 2N censors written letters written by campers, and phonecalls (which are a privilege granted before one leaves) are always in the presence of 1 or more staff member.
  2. A program that deals with frightened, sick, or abused children and teens as "manipulative, liars, entitled brats," and more is also a red flag. "Being immature," is not a reason to send a child to treatment (a child or teen, by definition, is "immature").
  3. Programs that do not require staffers to have advanced degrees, and years of experience in the field= red flag. Qualified individuals should be a first-priority of any program which conducts it's "treatment" in conditions as extreme as 2N's.
  4. Programs which ask you to waive your power of attorney over to their staff and ask that you not sue in the case of severe illness, major injury, or death= red flag.
Essentially, there are far too many horror stories but the bottom line here is: do your research. Now do more. The troubled teen industry is just that- an industry (not-so-fun-fact: supported by Romney's venture capitalist firm, Bain), and their first and foremost priority is to make money for themselves and their friends at therapeutic boarding schools, "escort services," and "educational consultants." Profiting off a family's vulnerability, confusion, fear, or even worse abusive and dysfunctional dynamic is morally reprehensible. Torturing teens doesn't make anything or anyone better, it makes things worse. In the best case scenario, you will be exorbitantly wealthy and able to send your child to a "therapeutic boarding school," a program which I can only describe as abuse-lite. Parents- you have options! Please, please, please arm yourself with facts/peer-reviewed and unbiased statistics and studies regarding troubled teen programs, and not sales propaganda. Best of luck to you!
Essential Reading: helpatanycost.com/questi… (Questions to ask of any program a family is considering) sia-now.org ttp://www.sltrib.com/news/ci\_7139316 heal-online.org/secondna…"
Max G.
Miami, FL
3/3/2020
“I was sent here 2 years back and I can openly say if you plan on sending your kids here there are so many better options. Don't even think about sending your kid away. If you don't want to deal with your child and send them elsewhere do be dealt with you don't truly love them or deserve to be their parent and this is how it will look to the child for the rest of their lives after. It's been two years and I can say I will never truly forgive my dad for sending me to Second Nature. It makes me hate that he's my dad. Yes I was struggling but I wasn't on the verge of death and therefore such intense measures shouldn't even be considered. The only beneficial skills I learned from second nature were survival skills and a general understanding of my emotions. But this doesn't matter whatsoever because the trauma from that experience has caused me more anxiety and depression than ever! I am not just an angry kid who was sent to Second Nature. I happened to enjoy my stay in many parts. But that's simply because I learned that I love the outdoors! but most children sent here are not so fond of their situation and in the end this program causes more problems than it solves. Everyone who was in my group has relapsed or gone back to old habits unless they DECIDED to change themselves. CHANGE DOESN'T WORK WHEN ITS FORCED.”
Zac H.
Asheville, NC
📷
8/21/2019
“You are hiking in rain, feet of snow if you are injured they tell you to suck it up. I am not anti-wilderness, as I think it is a great experience. But this place is truly not therapeutic, the schoolwork is very hard to get help with. This program often leaves you hungry at night and staff will get aggressive over small things such as exchanging phone numbers, whispering, etc. I got my wrists grabbed to the point of bruises after exchanging phone numbers, and I got no apology until he met my parents. Send your child to another wilderness program this is miserable for all parties. My therapist was nice but the staff does NOT CARE except for a select people. Just remember this is your child.”
Cooper S.
Laguna Beach, CA
📷
6/30/2019
“This review goes out for all parents thinking even for a second about sending their child here. It's not worth it. You think your child will learn and grow from this? Well then you are probably just as delusional as the people who run the place. You think, "oh wilderness therapy, sounds like a good way to get my child out of the scene of day to day life and have them step back and work on themselves." Yea if your child was Bear Grylls. Everyday is a grueling fight for survival. I was there in the winter of 2018-2019. I suffer from permanent nerve damage in my feet from the harsh cold and not enough warmth. The staff are harsh, cruel, selfish, and are solely focused on the objective of leaving the next week. The staff are all you have. the only connection to the outside world. Your solace and comfort in a time of stress. A kind staff, someone you could connect with was rare. Shout to the homie Corbin. One of the only real staff I met. Along with Ian, two of the nicest staff. The only way I made it through was because of them. I was in the G9/G3 group. I prayed every week to heaven or hell that I got these guys as staff. The therapist, Tracy, was nice. She was kind and counseling but only came out once a week. Making a true connection difficult. You can go to a therapist at home once a week, for an existential lower price. Shouldn't you be seeing a therapist more at a wilderness therapy program? My story is similar to any child sent her. Messed around, did some drugs. Nothing to harsh, nothing to severe. Diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was truly struggling. All it would've taken was a shoulder to cry on and a pair of ears to listen. No one ever understood or tried to understand without anterior motives. My home life became so bad I resorted to living on the streets. Some time into living on the streets I was picked up by police as a juvenille runaway and taken to the hospital. After waiting hours for my parents to come and get me. I thought hey, maybe this is on me. Maybe i need to open up to my parents more. Im gonna try to change. Im gonna try to make things better. Finally my parents showed, with two very large goons. They told me i was going with the men to utah for a few days. In the car they forced me into the small seat in the back of an SUV. Being 6'4 this was extremely uncomfortable. I was stuck back there for 12 hours. After arriving at the program, being stripped and searched, they proceeded to do a series of medical tests as if i was joining the army. They large hiking boots, and put me in a truck. They drove me out to the middle of nowhere and dropped me off. I proceeded to go through hell. A living hell. Days of coldness. Forgetting warmth. Writing about warm things in life just to get a taste of what i knew was never to come for quite some time. I fought at first. refusing to do what they told me to do. Begging my parents to take me out. Begging them and pleading to show i had changed. All to no avail. All to find out i was stuck for 12 weeks. Maybe more. In a living hell. I learned to lie. You have to lie if you want to get out of there. I lied and got home. Im very successful at home now. Im sober, im happy, and healthier than ive ever been. I have a steady job and true friends who are good and are their for me. Can't say second nature is the right choice for anyone. Unless you truly just want your child to suffer. no one needs to go through this. parents i beg you if you are debating on sending your child here. Just try to listen to your child. forget trying to accomplish anything. just listen. i was forced to spend thanksgiving and christmas out there. In freezing temperatures. Im going to have to stop there because theres just so much more wrong with this program. If you have any questions about my story, experience, or views on second nature feel free to message me.”
Gerald B.
Los Angeles, CA
4/12/2019
“If there were an option for zero stars, that would certainly be my choice. The following is stated exclusively from personal experience. Others may have had better or worse experiences, but the following is what I went through...It is my feeling that the entire operation should have been shut down years ago. I can confirm from personal experience that a significant amount of what other negative reviews had stated are true. For example, it is absolutely true to my experience as well that the 'counselors' required that children created a fire by themselves with sticks, string and a rock each day in order to eat anything cooked on a fire. Otherwise, we were forced to vile dehydrated beans and rice with a little bit of cold water, which I can tell you through personal experience does not re-hydrate them. They are practically inedible and still crunchy and tasteless. That was a daily occurrence. Also, being sent on 'solos' were a real thing - these counselors actually took children to remote places, where they were then left alone for days at a time (wouldn't know exactly for how long, as they had a rule that children were never allowed to know what time it was). We were left with nothing other than minimal food to get by, some water, and our blue tarp and strings to sleep under in a sleeping bag. Yes - that is the same type of blue tarp that would be laid over the back of a pick-up truck to cover up lawn equipment, for example. No insulation, and nothing close to a tent that one can enclose.
There were way too many activities that went on that are so unethical and so horrible to put children through. All children (and I say children because I am referring to the under-18 program, in which children are sent there involuntarily, compared to the adult version), were required to carry on their backs their incredibly heavy backpacks each day on long hikes in all weather conditions. These backpacks held tarp materials, clothing, a week's worth of food, a rock, fire making materials, notebooks, and other items. We were even forced to place heavy rocks in our packs as punishment to make them even heavier. They were very heavy, and not all kids are the same size. They all, however, carried the same backpacks - even the smaller kids. We would have to wake up each day, pack the contents of the bags, then go on long hikes for unknown amounts of time and unknown distances. Counselors refused to ever tell children how long hikes were, how much longer the hikes would be, or what time it was. As a kid, this caused incredible feelings of fear, powerlessness, and that of what a prisoner likely feels.
Upon arrival, children are blindfolded, taken to a remote place in the mountains, then isolated from the group for days until they finish writing their 'life story' with zero guidance or instruction. Then, once they present it they are first told that their life story needs to be one with full accountability or they were forced to be isolated for days more and re-write it. This also comes at a time when children are most fragile, scared, lonely, powerless, and terrified - when they FIRST arrive, typically at night, having no idea what is about to ensue. Imagine this as well - the entire time in the program, children are outdoors. Whether in a snowstorm, windstorm, rainstorm, or any other weather. We were outside 24/7 in the middle of winter, and slept in nothing other than a sleeping bag and a blue tarp over our heads, for which we were responsible figuring out each day how to find a location in the mountains and hang it properly in order to not wake up soaking wet. One pair of underwear for each week. Weekly "showers" consisted of taking a couple of old dirty coffee containers, filling them with water, then stripping in the middle of the woods in the freezing cold and pouring that water on oneself. Not a good time, and very hard to do.
The counselors, who spend days with the children, seemed to have no backgrounds in therapy, no credentials, no schooling or degrees for it. I cannot confirm this but can only speak to personal experience. On what planet should young, inexperienced, uncredentialled adults be physically and emotionally responsible for taking full care of sometimes very emotionally damaged, addicted children, some of whom had psychological disorders. These poor kids should be in the hands of incredibly qualified, trained psychologists and psychiatrists, not counselors looking to make a couple bucks.
I want to review their financials to see if there is an expense item for 'referral fees paid.' I would be very curious to see if they are paying people around the country to refer parents to send their children to this place, creating a bias and moral dilemma. I have spoken with many, very scholarly, successful and brilliant psychologists and psychiatrists, all of whom have said they cannot believe that some people actually send their children to this place. It is shameful. Much more to say but limited character space.”
Andrew C.
Scarsdale, NY
📷
3/19/2019
I went here in September of 2019, and it was one of the most traumatic experience of my life. The therapists there are not people you can sit and talk to about your feelings, they are sarcastic, rude, and insulting. If you don't behave the staff will restrain you by pulling your wrists down and it hurts like hell. If they think you will hurt yourself they will restrain you. If you are too close to the fire, they will restrain you (happened to me twice). If your child is going to grow up and become this very troubled criminal, maybe this place could be beneficial. But if your child is struggling with anger issues, anxiety, depression, skipping schools, etc. This place is just over all not helpful and is not what you need to be spending tens of thousands of dollars on. I have been home for about 4 months now because my parents pulled me out due to harsh staff and rude therapist that my mom was fed up with. I am doing much better now thanks to some medication and I am so grateful my parents decided to pull me out of there. (By the way, if Second Nature is reading this, my therapist was Steve Debois)
Persondude H.
Houston, TX
📷
6/25/2018
“I wrote a review that was once on the top of this list and then it was removed due to the age restricting policy. Well Im 18 now and I'm finally old enough to not get this taken down lol.
Don't send your kid here if you care about your relationship with them. Also don't trust educational consultants or aftercares. Since being a victim of this horrible business model I have seen kids mental well being deteriorate into oblivion. I attended second nature in the summer of 2017 and have never been in a worse mindset than I was put through at this place. I "as well as others" became extremely depressed and suicidal and lost complete respect and trust in our parents. Usually educational consultants will get a commission from sending you here, so when they tell you "Oh your Son/Daughter would really excel here." they are 90% of the time speaking out of their ass and just want that sweet sweet commission.
When I first came to second nature I was extremely mad at my parents and thought I would never forgive them for such a traumatic experience. "Being Gooned/Transported." And to tell you the truth I have not forgiven them. Afterr all of this time. I want to kill myself and have horrible trust in all adult figures because of this place. And I am not the only one.
I'm not really sure what Im trying to do by posting this review but I just want to warn parents that this can severely mess up your kids relationship with you. From what Ive witnessed this is just an expensive business scam directed towards desperate parents that have money to throw away. 99% of the time the therapists and educational consultants will recommend your kid go to aftercare and you will end up spending a-lot more money than you initially thought. All of the kids I knew faked their progress so that they could impress the staff and parents just so they could leave sooner. Please just use this as a last resort and really try hard to think about what you are doing and try to talk with your kid about it instead of just blindly violating human rights and traumatizing them by waking them up to transports. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep thinking about this and I feel so alone now.
I hope you as a parent can help your kids, but do it from a better approach instead of Gooning them and forcefully sending them to shit in a hole for 3 months.
Thanks, Former 2N student.”
Fred X.
Jacksonville, FL
📷
12/3/2016
“They took off my pictures like many other people here I got PTSD from going there along with acute intermittent porphyria. A 1:100 disease for life. I throw up blood regularly I go to the bathroom and see blood in the toilet im now on 10 pills just for anxiety and sleep and 15mg a day of oxy. This place gave me nightmares and health problems for the rest of my life. I moved out never spoke to my parents again. I had pictures that were taken down part of porphyria is you get sun blisters my face back and chest have scars from the sun sores that will never be healed or covered up. I experience pain everyday I've had seizures as a result of the PTSD my last seizure dislocated my shoulder and tore my rotatir cuff. I came out worse than I went in. They refused to bring me to the hospital and I was told if I didn't stop throwing up i couldn't go home. I was so sick there from the salmonella I was throwing up daily one night I was so dehydrated I passed out half way to my tent and passed myself. Sending your kid here could kill them my doctors told me im lucky to be alive and what I have (porphyria) could be passed onto my kids. It mutated my gene. Screw them if you send your kid they will hate you. Im not the only one who came out worse than when they went in. If I got sick I was supposed to carry extra weight while hiking to metaphorically reflect the weight the group had to carry from dragging me by my backpack while I was unconscious on hikes. Luckily the staff although they were told not to bring me to the hospital they atleast didn't force me to carry extra weight after they found me unconscious when I passed out and passed myself. They knew I want faking but the therapist believed I was. I was also mocked because I read the bible cause I knew I was dying. I debated hanging myself while there because I knew I was dying I wanted to go out on my own terms. I had my will written inside my boots telling my parents to get an u/autopsy done. I also told my friends in my group to tell my parents what REALLY happened to me and why I died. I HOPE THIS PLACE BURNS TO THE GROUND. Therapist lu vaughn was my therapist. The staff I had knew something was wrong but they were helpless because of her orders. I been to jail and jail was better than that place. Imagine sending ur child somewhere worse than jail they will never be the same. I don't trust anyone and cut off my entire family because of this place. Look at the other reviews more ppl left with PTSD I wouldn't wish PTSD on my worst enemy!”
6/13/2019
“I attended Second Nature from September to December of 2017. I've thought a lot about writing this review because I didn't want others to think that I was writing this because I was pissed about what had happened. Second Nature did not help me what so ever. Before being sent to Second Nature I was in the middle of a depressive episode and my parents didn't know what to do. Someone recommended this place so off I went. As soon as I got there you are strip searched and examined. I was extremely uncomfortable being thrown into a new environment with no one that you know and being forced to do this. The staff members as a whole were very nice and caring and tried to do whatever they could to make Second Nature seem more enjoyable. However, the therapist that I was assigned did little to help me. She tried to stick so many disorders and diagnoses on me that weren't correct. (Since coming home, I see a therapist weekly and both my therapist and the psychologist I see strongly disagree with the treatment option that was made.) She told my parents that I shouldn't be brought home and that I wouldn't be able to last at home for a while without having another episode. She told my parents that I was unwilling to participate in therapy and that I needed more and more time in the Program. I was willing to participate, I just didn't agree with the diagnoses she was making. None of them made sense for me. While I was there, I had hurt my hip. The doctor on staff decided to provide me with a very strong pain killer that I easily could've been addicted to without checking with my parents first. Not only that, he diagnosed the wrong thing and I would up having to get knee surgery when I got home. I won't argue that Second Nature is not effective, because it is. But before you send your child there, see if that is really the right option for them. If it is the last resort, try it. But if there are other options, try those first. I proved the therapist wrong and I am thriving at home, two years later without being sent to another therapeutic program and have a great relationship with my family due to my current therapist.”
Kalep T.
Chicago, IL
📷
10/19/2017
“Second Nature helped me. How? I still do not know. However I struggle greatly with PTSD from being transported in the middle of the night. My first week I almost killed myself, not intentionally but just out of pure fear of being in the middle of nowhere. Not having contact with my family still haunts me, as now my communication skills are poor. I just wanted to get out of second nature. Once i got in the group i enjoyed it, along with the staff. I reached air phase and was able to go back home after 9 1/2 weeks. My motivation was simply to get home. When i got home no one seemed to understand the trauma i had just been through. I still struggle. All my close friends I made during a very hard time in my life all separated ways. Flashbacks are frequent and make me sad. Second Nature is a good program but my life was better off before going here. Just love your child and try to understand them. Do not send them to second nature. It will only do your child harm along with yourself. Just my opinion. If you are going to go with a wilderness therapy then I do recommend Second Nature.”
Max G.
Miami, FL
3/3/2020
“I was sent here 2 years back and I can openly say if you plan on sending your kids here there are so many better options. Don't even think about sending your kid away. If you don't want to deal with your child and send them elsewhere do be dealt with you don't truly love them or deserve to be their parent and this is how it will look to the child for the rest of their lives after. It's been two years and I can say I will never truly forgive my dad for sending me to Second Nature. It makes me hate that he's my dad. Yes I was struggling but I wasn't on the verge of death and therefore such intense measures shouldn't even be considered. The only beneficial skills I learned from second nature were survival skills and a general understanding of my emotions. But this doesn't matter whatsoever because the trauma from that experience has caused me more anxiety and depression than ever! I am not just an angry kid who was sent to Second Nature. I happened to enjoy my stay in many parts. But that's simply because I learned that I love the outdoors! but most children sent here are not so fond of their situation and in the end this program causes more problems than it solves. Everyone who was in my group has relapsed or gone back to old habits unless they DECIDED to change themselves. CHANGE DOESN'T WORK WHEN ITS FORCED.”
Zac H.
Asheville, NC
8/21/2019
“You are hiking in rain, feet of snow if you are injured they tell you to suck it up. I am not anti-wilderness, as I think it is a great experience. But this place is truly not therapeutic, the schoolwork is very hard to get help with. This program often leaves you hungry at night and staff will get aggressive over small things such as exchanging phone numbers, whispering, etc. I got my wrists grabbed to the point of bruises after exchanging phone numbers, and I got no apology until he met my parents. Send your child to another wilderness program this is miserable for all parties. My therapist was nice but the staff does NOT CARE except for a select people. Just remember this is your child.”
submitted by KillerSpaceBunny to troubledteens [link] [comments]


2020.06.29 10:22 Sad-Acanthisitta952 Continuation of the story of a biker girl traveling in the USA on a motorcycle

Continuation of the story of a biker girl traveling in the USA on a motorcycle
Full story here and here
There I was fortunate enough to meet the native Navajo tribe - Jacob. He is a very modern guy, maintains an Instagram account, posting photographs of jewelry that he makes manually with his family. The whole family works on national souvenirs and household items, and once a month, Jacob is allowed to come to the tourist center and sell all this beauty. We talked for a long time, in parting, I gave him the flag of Belarus, and he gave me a copper ring with an eagle symbol.

https://preview.redd.it/kon9ze5s5t751.jpg?width=1100&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=64e616c25364221ccef853f2c5def29993e13018

https://preview.redd.it/54c7tn3u5t751.jpg?width=1100&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7e399934c881c11fd5ab75c79e8f1bdb33402b2b
I really enjoy doing educational work. Few people know about Europe and the Russian-speaking part of our continent about Belarus. In the best case, they will say: “We know, we know that you are part of Russia”, and more often they will exclaim joyfully “Rus-Rus!” Without going into details.
In the south of the USA, the Porcelain Desert with fine white sand (New Mexico) and the city of Albuquerque (the same state), which got into my route thanks to the series “Breaking Bad”, are especially remembered. Having traveled to the places of filming, I looked almost the whole city. Found Jesse Pinkman’s home, drug lab, etc.

https://preview.redd.it/38vx7yfy5t751.jpg?width=1400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1aaf8b7b1616973b5ba529470157b64747636634
The Hus diner was filming the series “Better Call Saul” (prequel “Breaking Bad”). At first they were not allowed to take pictures, but then they carefully looked at me, “Henry” (Catherine’s motorcycle. - Approx. Onliner) and allowed me to take a couple of shots. By the way, in the coordinates of the place where the money was supposedly buried (Walter White indicated it), there is the Albuquerque film studio. In the US there is an interesting service for the "adaptation / adoption" of roads. You take patronage over a section of the road - remove garbage, cut grass, and in return you are given the right to install a sign with any inscription. Advertising cannot be placed. Most often they write “In memory of ...”, but there were also inscriptions “What now?”, “Think about the family”, “Why so fast”, “Free forever”, etc.

https://preview.redd.it/43pi5gk16t751.jpg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b06e6fe4dfa2920021a35703278f8c5daa6694f2
The only dangerous situation occurred near Miami. I slowly drove up to the traffic light, where several rows of cars stopped. Out of habit, I tracked the situation in the rearview mirror. When I looked again, I saw that a black car, standing on an edge, was sliding right at me, like in a Hollywood blockbuster.


The reaction saved: I unscrewed the gas knob and drove sharply five meters forward. The car stopped a meter from my license plate, showering my jacket with fragments of plastic and glass. It turned out that the young driver did not calculate the speed and knocked out another car. With other eyewitnesses rushed to the rescue. The guy miraculously survived - there was not a scratch on him.
In general, Miami Beach (Florida) left an aftertaste of inexpensive show-ups and rented sports cars.
I traveled in a circle through the southern states and returned to Los Angeles through the north (having been to 23 states). There I again grabbed the bird of happiness by the tail and was able to observe a rather rare phenomenon. Bonneville Salt Race Track (Utah) was completely covered in water after heavy rains and sparkled in the sun with a mirror surface, reflecting the sun, blue sky and clouds.

https://preview.redd.it/vu8p5fre6t751.jpg?width=1400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5afa88167b9ae6ac3e800042267e93e307d976f2
Very often I met our guys living in the United States or on business trips there. It is always joyful to chat with fellow countrymen on another continent.
submitted by Sad-Acanthisitta952 to motorcyclesroadtrip [link] [comments]


2020.06.25 23:37 creagaming [EN] Vice City SA:MP Roleplay - www.creagaming.com

[EN] Vice City SA:MP Roleplay - www.creagaming.com
https://preview.redd.it/k746zu9wk4751.png?width=254&format=png&auto=webp&s=59cadabb83d17afb2489a6dcaca97a8ed425fbc6
[0.3-DL] Vice City Roleplay VC:RP : server.creagaming.com:7777 - www.creagaming.com/forums/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2eY7PmDaCg
Have you ever imagined being able to play the Vice City map on GTA San Andreas? Well we’ve got even better news for you! On Crea Gaming’s open-world SA:MP Roleplay Server you can do exactly that. You can cruise down Vice Beach in a cocaine white Cheetah, just like Don Johnson in Miami Vice.
We’re an ambitious English Speaking Gaming Community with big plans for our forums and SA:MP server. We have experienced developers from the renowned MT-Gaming (CallMeKevin’s server). With an aggressive growth strategy – advertising across channels including Instagram, vk.com etc we aspire to pick up the pace and quickly become a figure-head server in the San Andreas Multiplayer community.
Our playerbase is comprised of many SA:MP players that have been a part of the wider community in excess of 6 years with an invested interest in the game. Our intention is to bring the novelty back to SA:MP we all experienced when playing SA:MP and even San Andreas SP for the first time. Combining the Vice City map on the San Andreas MP platform is uncommon, particularly for an English speaking server but we are going to bring the shine back to SA:MP.
Our server features a sophisticated official gang and faction’s system, an active Police Department, player owned Businesses, Custom Mapping and Scripting requests among many other popular features. Below are some graphics created in the lead up to our launch which are certainly more visually appealing than paragraphs and paragraphs of text about what makes us great!
Thank you for your time and we hope to see you on the forums and in-game!
Forums: https://www.creagaming.com/ Discord: https://discord.gg/mbtFztx
If you need any help getting up and running on SA:MP please refer to this: https://www.creagaming.com/threads/how-to-start-playing-vc-rp-sa-mp.901/#post-5423
📷
submitted by creagaming to GTAV [link] [comments]


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